diary of a very angry housewife

Update: Two Thousand and Eight: "Not too shabby!"

2008-06-24T19:58:00.007-05:00

It's 2008, Beloved Reader, and I haven't posted here since last Spring...
I have been posting at http://roseteaparty1959.spaces.live.com/
It's just a little handier, coz I use hotmail.

What's new?

Surprisingly, mostly things formerly volatile have been going smoothly; on an even keel, no less.

My husband and I have been living together in peace, not in pieces.

We have had our 27th anniversary, at which time we renewed our vows.

I have accomplished a lot in our finances.

I am closing in on the last large debt (aside from our mortgage).

We have made our home renovations possible and complete.

I hope to begin to finish my RN course FT this August. (I've been a PT student for years.)

My husband's widowed mom got married - for the 3rd time!

Our oldest nephew announced HIS engagement at that special celebration...

Our youngest son has achieved the age of majority where we live, and he even has an inkling of what he would like to do with his life.

Tonight, I am invited to walk in our Little Italy in the cool of the evening and eat Italian ice-cream (gelati - yum.).

Tonight, I am reflecting, and thinking to myself, "Not too shabby!".

2007-04-27T15:18:00.000-05:00

I'm back again, Gentle Reader...
The new blogger.com set-up is a great improvement.

It's been a long and winding road since my last post.
In some ways, I am back to the beginning - to when I first started posting.

Looking back to that time, I had a deep need to vent my frustrated and wounded emotions.

Since then, it's been better and it's been worse.
Some of the circumstances are exactly the same.

I'm still standing.

2006-10-09T22:13:00.000-05:00

Gentle Reader... It's been too long!
I have been working so hard! But now, in a sudden move that can be described as, among other things, a miracle, I am free from both the labours and the cares that weighted my heart down so heavily.

Since my last post much has happened, and my son and his bride are well wed.
Now my husbie and I are circling in on our 25th anniversary, through many dangers, toils and snares. We are planning a visit to Kananaskis, Calgary (where I was born, and where we may soon move) and gorgeous Banff.

2006-03-29T18:39:00.001-06:00

Here I am, Gentle Reader - back again after a long absence.
Does absence indeed make the heart grow fonder?
Did you miss me?
Please let me know.

Here are some lovely orchids...

http://www.orchidworks.com/

My Husbie gave me a pot of very similar ones for Valentines Day - but of the Moth Orchid species. We just had an Orchid Show where I live. I love the long bloom-life and the delicious variety and colours that orchids have become so well-known for. Spring is coming, Beautiful Spring.

2005-11-04T07:40:00.000-06:00

Dear Gentle Reader;
It's been a while...
Work and home life have been very absorbing.

I wish I had more time!

Somehow, I've been getting email from blog readers - they invite me to visit their sites which are really commercial enterprises.

It feels like sneaky spam.

I am writing from a NEW (to me) laptop.

A bigger screen makes a difference...

But... it doesn't create more time, which I am out of!

Farewell, Reader.

Spam me not, nor use me ill.

2005-08-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN - Partner content
I would love to have instant confidence, Cherished Reader!
Right now I am making a sweep of the nation with my media release for my employer's special annual event.
I a often thinking,"who do I think I am, contacting the big-wigs like this?", but it's not about me - it's all about the event!

More later...

2005-08-03T22:40:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Homemakers.com : Run for office
Dear and Darling Reader...
I once ran for School Board Trustee in my old neighbourhood.
AND...
I almost won!

Maybe I should try it again...

I surely should have my election photo taken today - I look very nice and trustworthy in a yellow cotton sweater, lace camisole, pearls and a cream print skirt.

I brought home dinner tonight from Mrs. Safeway - a whole BBQ chicken, potato wedges, a salad, gravy (surprisingly, it was offered in a can - I was expecting a little styrofoam take-out bowl) and rolls. All for just $9.99 CDN, plus extra airmiles!

Speaking of Airmiles, my Mom is going to Germany without me...
More later...

2005-08-01T22:19:00.000-05:00

MSN - Music - VW Spin Cycle

The VW logo has not changed!
It is still an art-deco/Bauhaus stylized Vee and Double-U.
(Double-Veh in German)
Talk about a classic design!
Here is the VW Spin Cycle site.
It all about VW and tunes...
I think I am a Scenic Tour woman...

2005-07-31T21:08:00.000-05:00

Study gives VoIP B+ for effort

Dearest Gentle Reader...
I'm trying to configure Skype VOiP for work. I can hear incoming messages, but I can't BE heard, although I have hooked up the head- & micro-phone unit.

I think my computer's microphone driver is not activated... it does not recognize the microphone part.

It would be a boon for communications if we could use VOiP instead of conference calls, which are so expensive.

Speaking of B pluses, that's what I got for each of my two courses in Human Anatomy & Physiology... This is the first week since the beginning of the year that I haven't had to go to school every day beginning with a letter "t".

There's a lot that I miss - the other students, the lectures, the labs, the friendships I made.

I will have two more classes this fall - the final prerequisites for the Diploma of Nursing, Accelerated program. If I pass, I will be a Registered Nurse!

I saw my dream car today, but not at my dream price! It is a 1964 Karmann Ghia red coupe (not just any old red, but a glowing, oh-so-very vermillion red!) BUT it costs $10,500 CDN. All I wanted was a closer look. From the road the price looked like $1,500, which was too good to be true, but IF true... WELL!!

Just looking at such an extravagent toy seems to trigger my husband, and we had another fight.

I am concerned because he is planning to make a large purchase on credit, and there is already a large debt load accumulated.

The widowed MIL was in for an overnight visit. She gave me, among other gifts, a clipping entitled "Eight Rules for my Teenaged Son". This is because our second son has announced that he is "going" with someone...

I like her, this sweet someone. But he has not yet decided on his path of life, has not yet gone to University... I wonder what his next step will be?

2005-07-16T10:12:00.000-05:00

href="http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/ValerieGibson/2005/07/05/1117945.html">

Hello Gentle Reader...
My husband quoted me this article a couple of weeks ago.
He thought I was cheating on him.

I haven't cheated on him, ever.

I freely admit that I have noticed other men, and have even been attracted, even fascinated a little, but I don't take it anywhere.

Why should I?
I have my husband, my boys and my home.
I don't NEED more, I just need to enjoy what is already there in my life. Actually, being tempted and NOT giving in is purifying, and brings things that are real, and unreal, into sharper focus.

I may admire the Mona Lisa at the Louvre, but she's too high-maintenace to take home!

It's a gorgeous summer day, and I have the whole weekend off! Too bad my van died on Friday... Husband stopped to fill it with gas - just would not start again!

I got a transcript from college - I have an honest B+ for HAP One. So far, I'm holding an A average on HAP Two, but the big lab exam and cummulative final exam loom ahead.

I hope I do alright!

2005-07-10T21:15:00.000-05:00

lyEclipse - Can Families Survive Depression? - Page 3 of 4

There's no way my husband's depression is as bad as what these two women went through with their spouses.

But there are similarities.

Hub drinks. I find this makes his symptoms of depression worse.

He used to be a tee-totaller. When his cholesterol got high, I suggested a single glass of red wine in the evening, for his health.

Wish I hadn't done that, now.

Rarely does he stop at one glass.
Beer is now consumed as well, and in response to the high cost of purchasing wine, Hub has started making it himself.

It makes me nervous when he has a drink or two at a restaurant, and wants to drive home. I lost my cousin to a drunk driver!

Gentle Reader, sometimes I wonder what God has to do to get us back on track...

2005-07-09T16:40:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Depression.com

I am ready to unveil my true confession...

I think my Hub is at risk of falling into depression.

He told me that he thinks that no-one wants him.
Not me.
Not his employer.
Not God.

I prayed HARD!

The next day, he got an invitation to try for a different, better position at work.
He came to visit me at my office.
I was so glad he had some good news.

I treated depression, after losing a baby by miscarriage, with song.

I don't think meds will help you unless you replace the depressed thinking with new thought-patterns that are not as dark.

I think this is why God can transform us when we give our hearts to Jesus and ask forgiveness for all our sins.

We become new creatures because our spirits are reborn, and we begin to think differently, and act differently.

Meds can pave the way to stop the bad patterns, but it takes daily happiness to maintain us in an undepressed state.

I am not perfect, but I am trying to create an environment where Hub can be happy.

2005-07-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

True confessions -- St. Godard 170 (9): 1439 -- Canadian Medical Association Journal

Gentle Reader, it must be hard to be a Dr., especially through the internship...
My heart went out to all Dr.'s today as I read this article.
Doc, please do something GOOD for yourself and your loved ones, today.
I would not presume to say "Physician, heal thyself!"
But only, please keep well and be happy.

I was troubled today by true confessions.
(God caused "Don't Worry, Be Happy" to play on the radio at my darkest moment today to show his love for me. Thank you!)
That's why I googled the phrase, how I found this site.

I am at the stage where I have to make the first confession - to myself.

It's not a secret I've been concealing, it's more like I've been deluding myself.

More later...

2005-07-06T18:49:00.000-05:00

The Friendship Page ..for every friendship!

I got a cute email about friendship from a former neighbour, a real pal...
Thank you...
I am grateful to get a message like this one.
I NEED a friend these days...

I have recently begun working M-F, 9-5 for a very interesting group, and I have found it a real fixer-upper!.
I am also working some evenings and Saturdays for a home health service, and I am finishing the Human Anatomy and Physiology 2 course (at last) on July 26!

I will miss my new friends, including the instructors, whom I count as friends...

Hub's step-dad, my father-in-law, has died...

Hub is dealing with some difficult issues including some related to work, or rather the lack of.
Things are strained between us, again.
He hasn't replaced his stolen van, so he is using mine, and I am borrowing my oldest son's car, so I can get to class on time.
This hasn't done much to boost one young man's joy in ownership!

However, I get to go to church every Sunday (answered prayer!), we have put in a little wee veggie garden, our Delphiniums came up, our homestay guest is great (did we tell you he was saved?), and my youngest son passed all his courses except Spanish...

I hope Hub and the boys will return to their choir and sing again soon.
The guys have practically memorized the soundtrack of "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" and an impressive repetoire of Weird Al numbers (the youngest's specialty). They sound good, considering the material!
It must be a guy thing!

2005-06-27T20:57:00.000-05:00

Sermon: A Frame for our Lives - July 23,2000

Here is a sermon about finding God in the mundane.
And suspending the mundane for just a day to escape it.
It's called the Sabbath.

I am so grateful I have at last had an answer to prayer and am able to have every Sunday off.

I am trying to live a balanced, beautiful life. I try not to let things spoil my day - I DO try to keep a good attitude and perspective.

I smile a lot! This annoys some people a LOT!

I am not ignoring my weaknesses and sin.
I think I am pretty upfront about the things I recognize in my life. Like my preoccupation (read insecurity) about my looks and health.
Like when I became attracted to certain other men.
Like what I did about it to keep it from taking over.

I talked about it.

I let the sunshine and the fresh air test my dark little secrets. Almost right away, they fell into the correct perspective.

I find that people who try to hide the truth about themselves are pitiful, almost to the point of comical. They are as transparent as the Emperor's New Clothes!

Being compassionate without being a sap - encouraging someone to become independent, not co-dependent... these are some of the applications of Christianity I hope to reach for.

While I am often unknowingly intuitive - a couple of weeks ago I was moved to give a single woman a stuffed toy without knowing she was pregnant.
She was amazed!
She hadn't told ANYBODY!
She spilled the whole story to me while I cradled her in my arms like a little child.

Who moved me?
God.

Why did he pick me?
He needed someone who would express His compassion, which was the aspect of Him that she, already judged, needed the most .

2005-06-12T16:47:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN - Partner content

Gentle Reader, I am a Canadian, but this is not always a proud admission...

I was at a Chapters bookstore the other day, and I saw a book, the title of which included the words ..."and angry housewives".

Has my intellectual property been violated?

Hmmmmm...

I was also intrigued to notice the Jennifer Lopez Jane Fonda movie, Monster-in-Law.

Hmm hmmmmmmm...

Gentle Reader, even at work, I am the supplier of ideas and inspiration which are pretty much stolen from me, attributed to others.
No glory hound, I, but, please... credit where credit is due.

It has been a while since my last posting...
I am very busy with a new job managing a national office for a non-profit organization.
I am still working in Community Healthcare, and taking my HAP course.
This term my grades are even better than last term - I am maintaining an A average, so far.
I will be taking the HAP 1 lab exam I missed due to my car in July - on the same day as I take my 3rd HAP 2 test.

It's also a big fat long workday, so I am not going to be able to do much of a last-minute cram review.
I am helping a study-buddy in each class. This is mutually beneficial. The HAP 2 friend is struggling - she took on too much.
The HAP 1 friend is doing well - I am helping her (a little) with English pronounciation and expression.

I will post more next time...

2005-04-29T18:44:00.000-05:00

CANOE -- CNEWS - Weird News

Dear, Cherished Reader...

You may think you have seen the unusual...
You may think you have seen the bizzare...

But there's little in fiction that can match the pure hilarity, strangeness and weirdness of the actual, factual truth!

I have tried to make my post several times, today, only to be shot down in flames.

Therefore, I will truncate my remarks to merely report it's been a month worthy of the annals of Weird News.

"I just got home from the (hospital emergency ward) at 4:00 - my van was totalled atg 7 this morn on black ice.
Ambulance, police car & firetruck all nearly wiped out too!
I'm on Tylenol3 and an antininflammatory - hurt my neck, back R hip wrist knee & L calf & foot.
No-one else was hurrt, thank GOD.
I have already called (my Instructor) for reschedule.
I can't see the point of emailling - he doenst get any
In case he didn't get the phone message will you please tell him?
Good luck to you & the whole class...
(Me)
April 5, 2005"

"Thank you, (friend), for your note.
My Mom is over here, helping me.
Still woozy from the meds!
Still sore - rainbow of bruises - what a show!
More later - thanks for your kind thoughts..
(Me)
April 6, 2005"

(Friend), thank you for your kind offer (of help).
I'm still a little shaken up - but I'm getting off the Tylenol 3's ASAP. I hate being woozy!
(My Instructor) called me about my options. Rescheduling the Final exam is easy... it's the Lab exam that's difficult. I may just write it with (my Instructor's) next class in 2 months.
It's great to have my Mom here.
We are watching funny chick-flicks and enjoying fresh fruit, fresh flowers & Belgian chocolates!
Endorphins galore!
I am icing my neck & hip until Friday.
I am getting Physio every second day.
I think I need a little more time before I can give the exam the concentration it requires.
You're on vacation?
I would love a visit!
(Me)
April 6, 2005

(Friend), thanks for the T3 advice. Not everyone knows about this certain side-effect... until they USE T3's!
I slept really well last night! (My Instructor) recommended Valerian, a herbal remedy, and it really helped!
I am off painkillers altogether, and the pain is OK.
I have been drinking a lot (of juice, that is!) and eating plenty of fruit, veggies and proteins.
Mom & I have watched Nicholas Nickelby, Cold Mountain, Raising Hellen, and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
We have started to translate a book my grandfather wrote into English together.
She translated it into the tape recorder, and I transcribe it into the computer.
Depending on how the day goes, I just might take you up on your kind offer to give me a ride!
Please call me at home.
(Me)
April 7, 2005

Hi, ( friend)... I am registered for the HAP II, starting TOMORROW... and I will negotiate time off to take the review and Lab exam with the new HAP I class.

I saw my physiotherapist today... still sore. My home treatment plan consists of alternating heat and ice; heat first, ice last, 20 minutes per treatment, once or twice a day. Pilates are still OK (hooray! I was afraid she might veto it), if modified to my range of motion.
She suggests I am not ready to return to my Homecare duties.
(Bending over objects and people, lifting people, bathing people, dressing people, etc...)

I see my family Dr. tomorrow - she and he are colleagues, so he will probably concur...
I am interested in your opinion. What do you think I can do to accelerate my recovery?
You mentioned that I may benefit from massage... can you recommend someone? Please reply!

(My insurance company) will probably write my van off, but if they decide to repair it, I will probably sell it. I am already seeking another vehicle.

My father-in-law has been very changed by his health crisis - he cannot remember that he had (exploratory) surgery! But he is stable, thank GOD! My mother-in-law is staying with us. She has a very high standard of housekeeping. I have the "teenagers and dogs live here" standard. I am sore and busy, but I will try to make her as comfortable as possible...
(Me)
April 11, 2005

Good morning, (friend)!
It is so beautiful today - Suddenly Spring!

I am hoping you may recommend someone suitable for massage therapy.
Gentle, gentle, gentle, please!
I have had a few bad experiences...
(Passive aggression? Bad hands day? I'll never know, coz I'll never go back!)

My back muscles are starting to interlock between my scapulae to my posterior iliac crest. The neck (up to occipital muscles) and shoulders are stiffening, also. It's like a big, long letter"U", covered with a small, narrow inverted "u", and all that tension on the points of attachment on the scull, scapulae, illia and spinous proccesses.

My Physio has had to start using traction and dis-traction to pull my torso open - also my frontal and nasal sinuses!
It was a very strange sensation!

I had hoped that you would know of someone...

Please reply soon, before I begin to resemble a living suit of armour! Complete with clanking!
(Me)
April 15, 2005

Yes, this has been the story of my month!

More tidbits later...

2005-04-01T13:49:00.000-06:00

World Beard and Moustache Championships

This is the MSN site of the day today, and of course, Gentle Reader, it is all about men's beards, so I just had to look.
Why?
My Dad won a prize in his workplace beard-growing contest, and has often indulged himself in the art of creative beard-and-moustacherie.

Yes, I admit it - I have a soft spot for men's beards and moustaches!

Is there a 12-step programmme for me, or is it okay that I walk the earth completely succeptable to a manly set of well-combed whiskers?
My husband and second son wear natural whiskers.
Even a strong Five-O'Clock shadow on a pale face has appeal for me.
It just says to me, "Hello, I am simply so tight with testosterone that whiskers literally leap outta my face, no matter what brand of shaving cream or razor I use!"

A hopeless case of whisker-wistfullness.
Sigh.
I will just have to bear that burden.

I had my last lecture last night. I distributed and then collected the course assessments for my instructor.
Some of the students were very critical of him, of his organization and language skills.
It is no , I suppose, that they sat at the back, chatting and carping among themselves.
I sat in the front row, rapt, and gained an ever-increasing and undiminished regard for him.
He is a very kind man - too kind, perhaps, and they didn't respect or appreciate him as they ought.
My own discussion of his spelling standards caused him some pain, I think.
"Et tu?"
I hope his next class treats him better.

My Mother also had to learn a new language in a new country.
I used to ask her why she was so hard on herself when she made a mistake in grammar or spelling - after all, it wasn't her first language.
"Exactly why I must get it right," I remember her saying.
She still has her cute accent, age 78. She still counts and computes in her first language.

I love her so much.

We here are praying for the Pope.
I am not Catholic, per se, but I appreciate what this Pope has done to uphold the right in this world.

God bless him and grant him final words to express the cry of his heart for the people and the church he has loved and served.

Amen.

2005-03-31T14:37:00.000-06:00

Chatelaine : Work in a workout
Too good to be true?
Fit AND y in minutes?
Okay, maybe...
IF this programme were followed over the course of a lifetime, daily, with consistant proper nutrition and IF nothing like illness, PMS, pregnancy, killer desk-jobs & bad hair days etc. sidetracked you.

Tonight is my last lecture with my instructor.
On Tuesday, I hurt his feelings (I guess), when I told him (Kindly, I hoped) I thought he shouldn't misspell the lecture notes. I said it would be more professional if properly spelled.
Gentle Reader, it was pretty bad.
Even words you would expect him to know... his stock-in-trade, so to speak.
Why was he so distracted?
Maybe it was Easter weekend.
I think His wife & son have the flu.

Who am I to criticize?
My assignment was not ready, either.
He wavered over many degrees between defensiveness, confession and contrition.
But I think that this was the needed closure.
He may decide that I am just a faithful friend.
Proverbs 27, V. 6.
The main thing is for me to be a faithful wife, since I am going to stick with Hub.

2005-03-08T23:14:00.000-06:00

Sun-Rype Lifestyle Makeover Contest
Hello, Gentle Reader.
Here I am, again.
The idea of a Lifestyle Makeover is so attractive to me.
Spring is coming at last where I live.
I am losing weight, my muscles are getting toned, and my hair and skin are looking great!
I am responding well to a combination of diet, pilates, dance & suppliments.
Since last I wrote, I have been progressing in Human Anatomy & Physiology. It fullfills my Science prerequisite for the Registered Nursing course I hope to attend.
I have also struggled with a crush on my instructor.
It was so easy to like him.
We have found so much we have in common.
He's not what passes for handsome, exactly.
I have never been moved much by "handsome", but he's striking.
Huge, deep, dark eyes.
And, most irresistable, well-developed frontal lobes... of the brain, Gentle Reader.
I have cooled off suffieciently that I don't think this is destined to be a romance.
I am starting to believe I am making a friend.
Hubster knows I have had this crush. It's not a crush anymore.
I'd like to invite this man and his family over for dinner, let the 14-yr-olds play games on the computer.
I was remembering my last crush, recorded earlier in this Blog, which also resolved itself into reality.

2005-02-12T12:48:00.000-06:00

Valentine Be Mine! Romantic Ideas
Happy Valentine's Day, Gentle Reader!
I will never give up on Romance.

I yet believe that love will conquer all.

Hubster and I keep on walking the walk.
We persevere together.
We (gasp!) continue with the dance lessons!

I hope to outlast all the storm of stupid stuff that threatens the ideal of our happy, not perfect, life together, for ourselves, for our sons, for others who may look to us.

It is a strange aspect of psychology that we may gain hope from anothers' struggles.

"Well,", one might say, "at least we're not as bad as the (fill in the blank)'s. They have a row daily!"

Or, "Our problems may seem difficult, but think of the (fill in the blank again)'s. Look at what they have weathered. And they are still together."

I am enjoying my course in Human Anatomy and Physiology (HAP). I passed my first test with very nearly a "B". Only one point off! I like my instructor. We both have 14 year-old sons. If only I had a more focused memory.

I showed my damaged last class when we started to study skin and it's derivatives, (including fingernails) & healing last week. It was healing well, no superation, and I thought it would make a good object lesson as an example on the subject of healing. However, some of the students were disgusted by it's warped appearance.

"Sick!", one student said.
No, not sick.
Only injured.

It was damaged from pressure above the nailbed (bleeding), and below (bruising) when my third son slammed the sliding van door on it, just before Christmas. I hope these younger students can get over the "Yuck!" factor when they see real conditions in patients, or they will hurt their patients feelings, and come across as unprofessional.

For example, one might swallow, compose ones self, and take a look, and then say; "Hmm! That's an interesting thumb! What happened?"

Hubs has returned from a business trip, early even, and has brought home some cute white leather beaded moccasins.
He also brought a pair for our first son, who will be having a birthday soon.
I wore mine with my white velour pants and top, a Christmas present, and was irresistable.

Even with a "sick" thumb.

Hope continues to grow.

2005-02-07T00:19:00.000-06:00

Barnes & Noble University

2005-01-12T09:39:00.000-06:00

http://www.audiorenaissance.com/

Hello, Gentle Reader. I mentioned before that I love books-on-tape, and here (hear!) is a site that offers samples.

I am intrigued by the title of Auguston Burrough's book, Magical Thinking.

I read an ad for it in the New Yorker while waiting for medical attention after my car collision one week ago. I was in Emergency from 2:30 PM to 3:00 AM!

Not broken, but twisted, I am getting Physio today, after subsisting on Tylenol 3's, sympathy and muscle relaxants.

More later...

2005-01-04T11:44:00.000-06:00

1982 Honorable Mention: Lawn Chair Larry
It been a while, Gentle Reader, has it not?
The Christmas vortex is finally slowing, and here am I,
no cards sent, (sigh!)
no Christmas letter sent (only ONE Christmas email),
several presents undelivered, (I can see them from here, reproaching me)
and a few (to Hubbers) promised but not yet purchased!
(I wanted to go out with him for a shopping date, like we did for Fathers Day. It's more fun, and I can see for myself that things fit and that he likes them for sure.)
However, by and large, it's been a very nice Christmas.
The MIL gave me the gears and a giant guilt trip over working on Christmas Day, but we have since made up.
The boys, my family, his family, all seem to have liked their gifts. The boys got an XBox and four games as a group gift, plus several smaller sundry presents. I made a big hit with my second son, giving him size 14 moccasins.
We gave each other the Love Nest Theatre I wrote about previously.
A combination VCR/DVD/CD player was picked up as a mutual prezzie for $99CAN, which was hooked up to the gift-with-purchase TV and placed within the DIY pine-look cabinet, also $99CAN (which surprised us by looking so nice, either as a stand-alone or with the other bedroom furnishings and - wow - putting together so easily).
One son gave me a cookbook to make India food. Another gave me a CD of the latest Vinyl Cafe stories. I also got a CD case, an tire pressure gage, and other useful items.
Hubbers gave me the Chanel No. 5 he has for so long put himself on the record as preferring, which I had never, ever worn until this Christmas. (When I ask him HOW and WHERE and WITH WHOM he's learned the finer points of fragrance, he is... evasive.)
I also received several stretch velour lounge outfits from him. I am irresistable in velour!
It's delightful to watch what we like in our comfy cozy bed while the boys play XBox games. We recently rented the movie Danny Deckchair.
Very cute. Miranda Otto of LOTR and Rhys Ifans of Notting Hill , star.
This link leads to the true "inspiration" for the movie, a man known as Lawnchair Larry, who made it to the Darwin Awards, and lived to tell about it, (rare indeed, if only a temporary state. Poor man. Read the story, why doncha?).
My second son filled me with joy. He is joining the Manitoba Writers Guild. What a chip off the dear old family blocks! He is also thinking about University, B. Ed., again! My oldest son's workplace allows money and time off for educational pursuits. I hope he will take advantage of it!
My third son is out of sorts. He is starting to prune back on his possibilities. I don't like hearing him think lowly of himself. Not very good at this, only average at that - I want him to think a little BIGGER. He's at a stage where he hardly knows all he can do, because he has hardly tried to.
I myself am about to plunge back into night school - Human Physiology and Anatomy, twice a week, until spring.
Plus Pilates to keep trim, strong, flexible and poised.
Plus Romance Dancing for Hubs and I to explore a new aspect being a couple.
Happy New Year, my dear Reader. and a Happier New Year to us all.

2004-12-11T19:24:00.000-06:00

Prior Learning Assessment Review for Learners

PLAR is a process which I hope will result in my getting credit for all the things I've learned in my life that are related to my areas of ongoing & upcoming study.

Educational institutions seem very wary of awarding too much credit in this way - it might affect courses sold!
On the other hand, partial credit may encourage people to take a course that they might otherwise feel is beyond them.

I watched "The Saddest Music in the World"by Guy Madden, at last. It should have been called the strangest movie in the world! Set in a fantasy-Mytown, shot in a giant abandoned warehouse IN my actual town (irony, irony, irony!), it featured snow, beer, and battling music acts struggling for the all-important "thumbs up" which would allow them to slide into a celebratory vat of beer, courtesy of a legless beer heiress. The plot is amazing convoluted, and much of the music is truly sad in the tragic sense. The camera work, a combination of B&W and heavily processed colour, and the stupendous imagery - evocative, dreamy, amazing.

This movie is not for everyone.

Rated PG-14, I almost passed out when the heiress lost her legs.

Hubs has bottled his fermented concoction, aka homemade wine. It's another red, and he amended it right at the end, sweetening it just a little beyond my preference. Still a touch yeasty, but good. Goes right to my head! Whoo!

Hubs says getting me tipsy is his hobby. Hmmmm, I don't know if that's a good and sanctified occupation. He rarely takes advantage of my uninhibited state. Is this good or bad?

Finally broke down and bought an xbox. Christmas present for the boys. It is all bonus that it is a very good DVD player, too. The current DVD machine is getting y. I guess it's those library DVDs I keep borrowing for free.

I love libraries.

Our main branch library will soon be metamorphosed into a fabulous renewed building. It will have a huge glass atrium - perfect for combating SADD in the winter.

Going outside in the sunshine, however cold it may be, is another way to beat SADD. I am going for walks a little more now. Since I missed my last exercise class (Pilates, not enough people enrolled - it was a Friday exerciselass, what can I say?), I am sorry to say that some of the FAT CAME BACK. Diet still holding, but activity levels somewhat down.

More next time, dear and gentle reader....

2004-12-08T16:17:00.000-06:00

Sympatico / MSN Travel Canada : Travel News : T-shirt company helps Americans relax on vacation - by posing as Canadians

I thought this was an urban legend, Gentle Reader, when I first heard of Americans traveling in politically "sensitive" areas as Canadians about 30 years ago, but now someone is cashing in on a great idea.
I just watched "Horns and Halos",the documentary about R. H. Hatfield's book, Fortunate Son.
No wonder there are those who do not want to be known as American.

I also watched Chicago, and I can't be razzle-dazzled out of the belief that it's wrong to capitalize on crime.

Hubs is napping, and tomorrow is a light day. Today was busy - several baths and breakfasts. Friday is OFF, huzzah!

2004-12-07T11:29:00.000-06:00

Christmas Stress Test

O Christmas Stress
Don't want that mess
No, I don't WANT no Christmas Stress.

Gentle Reader, I am taking steps to prevent it, BUT
I've got to take more classes before I can get into the RN program I've applied for. I don't know if I can do it all in one year without losing my mind and neglecting everyone and everything. I'll see what I can do...

I told you about the new student, right? From Chile, 33, etc.? We will put him in the Blue Room, and that leaves the Yellow Room (GOLD Room? Sunshine Room? Tropical Room? What should we call it?) for guests.

My MOL just phoned. She is giving me the gears because I work Christmas this year. She is giving me ANOTHER guilt trip that I am not "there" enough for my family. What do you think?

To increase the amount of time I spend with PEOPLE rather that pots and pans this holiday, I am just having a Coffee & Cookie Come&Go on Dec. 24, my day off, for friends, neighbours, my family and Hub's. Expect some storebought cookies among the home-made!

Since the MOL expected that I should be having the big Turkey Dinner and all the trimmings, but I'm not, she says SHE'S going to do it in Half-hour-out-of-townville, while I am working. Does my family really want to go without me? Why is she doing this? My Mom thinks the Come&Go is a great idea. It takes so much of the pressure off, and everyone has had too much to eat at a dozen other dinners by then anyway!

I wasn't planning on starving my family. I have a nice Turkey, a Pork Roast, a Beef Roast and I wanted to have a family meal for just US and maybe blessing a guest or two, on Dec. 25 after my work is finished, not the burdensome parade of excess and being-late-just-to-prove-how-important-and-busy-you-are-and-still-everyone-will-wait-for-you power plays that these dinners with family have become.

Hub finally went to see a Dr. at the walk-in clinic for that cough he's had for so darn long. First son also went in for a rash he's had for weeks. Why do these guys wait so long to take care of themselves? If Hub had gone in and nipped it in the bud as I advised him to, he wouldn't have spread it around so much (Now I have a sore, phlemmy throat, too, and Third son is looking peaky!), and it wouldn't have sapped him and I so much by disturbing our sleep. Oh, well. I will keep trying, keep plugging away!

Talk to you again soon!

2004-12-05T21:11:00.000-06:00

SKS: Kalevala (in English)

I just watched the National Geographic "Behind the film" special on The Lord of the Rings.
It was very good. I am a LOTR buff. We have a large collection of Tolkien's writings, some biographical, some themed material.

The NGS special mentioned the Kalevala as a reference both for the elvish language Tolkien developed, and thematic elements in the story.
It is an oral tradition in a disappearing language, in a ghost-town, in a land which has lost it's young people to big cities.
The site above gives links to the written story.

I am starting to put Christmas together.
I have a few modest gifts put away from throughout the year.
It hardly seems a holiday.

The tree is great, but I can't get anybody to do anything more, and I can't do it all alone.

I'm wanting, willing, waiting, for the Spirit of Christmas to visit me.

I's like to be unscrooged, please!

2004-12-04T20:26:00.000-06:00

DIANA KRALL LYRICS - Peel Me A Grape

Dear Reader, do you know the first time I ever heard the line "Peel me a grape"?

It was in an old Mae West movie, I think it was set in the Yukon - Diamond Lil, maybe?

In the movie she had a serving-woman named Beulah with her.
She had just devastated some man, and, as he staggered out the door with this bleeding heart gushing all over the floor (figuratively, of course! I gore.), she turns to this wise-eyed woman and says, "Beulah, peel me a grape!"

What a line!

I just heard Krall sing this song on my car radio this afternoon.
Aaaaaahhh, MMMMmmmm.... so delicious!
Where I come from, we've got a Jazz station.
I love it.

Could Hubs ever become so wild about me as to peel me even an apple?

2004-12-03T09:32:00.000-06:00

CNN.com - The 'Engagement' of 'Amelie' - Nov 29, 2004

Did you see Amelie?
Dear Reader, it was a cute French film!
Now, another movie from the same star and the same director is in the works.
I think I'm going to love it...

Hubsy sent me the link.

Things are going much better lately.

I wish I had time to write more...

2004-11-25T19:24:00.000-06:00

The Miscarriage Association

When my third son was just starting to scoot around, Gentle Reader, I discovered that I was expecting another baby.
By then, we were experienced in the provision of God for our children, no matter what Hub says now.
We welcomed the prospect of being parents once more.
However, looking after a busy household is hard work.

It may have been from over-work, or from some physiological reason which I may never know, this side of heaven.
After a fishing trip I started feeling unwell, and the next morning I began to bleed.
I kept myself in bed, trying not to give gravity a chance. My husband thought it would be best for him to leave me alone in this condition and go to church. He was going to take only the oldest child, but I convinced him to take the baby too. He left the second child, just a toddler, with me.
He said he was going to get the church to pray.

I had severe cramping pain, but I tried to keep quiet so I wouldn't frighten my second son.
After a knife stab of agony, a sudden gush of and tissue flowed, like a period, but much heavier.
I went to the bathroom, and stood in the bathtub to contain the fluid.
There was so much of it!

I had to visit the hospital twice.

My baby was gone.

This was such a painful time.

Some people aren't satisfied that you are suffering. They have to make you feel bad about feeling bad, too.

One woman I knew at church decided that I should not be permitted to grieve. She told me that every skipped period COULD have been a miscarriage, and that I may have lost children I never knew of, and that one out of three conceptions fails to come to term, so it's really nothing.

Thank you for minimizing MY loss into something YOU can handle.

2004-11-24T15:37:00.000-06:00

Yale- Cranial Nerve 10, pg. 1

Here is a link to Yale U's School of Medicine, and a description of the five fabulous funtions of the vagus nerve.

I promised news of how we are working to improve our marriage, Hubsy and I.
We have been assigned by our accountability couple, (whom we saw on Monday night, during a blackout, no less!)to go OUT on two dates this week.
One FUN one, and one serious one, where we may discuss no more than TWO issues.
Hub is being challenged on his re-remembering things with regrets, such as becoming a father.
Regret is the opposite of thankfulness.
It really takes control for what happens to us out of God's hands and into our own, retrospectively yet, which is impossible.
Because we do not know where the road will take us, how can we expect to HAVE known?
How can we go back?
Sorry, but I want to live a life sans regret. That puts accountability for everything that happens on God, the ONLY sovreign power, and responsability on my reactions to my circumstances on ME, the only person to whom that onus belongs.

I can't believe he has forgotten how pleased he was to have sons, how he enjoyed holding them and sensing their love, acceptance and need for him, how in love with our babies he was.
He never enjoyed anything as much in his life as being a father, once he saw that his fears the baby wasn't healthy were groundless.

Should I tell about my miscarriage today? I am running out of time, and it's a story that takes time to tell.

Next time, Dear Reader.

2004-11-23T13:30:00.000-06:00

Coughing? Pop a chocolate

My husband sent me this link, Gentle Reader.

Anything promoting chocolate (which I champion as much out of principle as pleasure), is laudable, but I am more interested in the Vagus nerve, the action of which the chocolate component theobromine suppresses.
I did deep research on the Vagus nerve before my last computer crash wiped out my links, but it is the most interesting nerve in the body, I think.
I used what I learned to successfully self-treat my GERD, and to help myself lose weight and improve my posture.

Next time - what we are doing as a couple to improve our marriage, and my miscarriage in 1991.

2004-11-22T19:22:00.000-06:00

MSNBC - �How to Survive Your Husband�s Midlife Crisis�

HIS midlife crisis?
So far, no new sports car for him - though he prefers driving MY nifty 99 van.
No excercise for him.
I improved my physique with diet and Pilates.
Younger women? Lately? So far as I know, only in his vain imagination.
Younger men? This summer I noticed handsome, well built younger men more than ever, since before I was wed. But I try not to let it distract me. I have received an unsolicited MSN member's email (He SAYS he's 27, Francophone, and his nickname, translated, means something like God's gift to women! Right-ee-O!), and a Classmates unsolicited email invitation to meet an male alumnus for coffee. (Can't place the guy at all).
Deleted everything without further consideration.
Why?
Because I wouldn't like it if he played email footsie behind my back.
Because, with God's help, I have what it takes to resist temptation and remain faithful.
Because I still want only my husband, even if he does look like Homer Simpson and is mean to me sometimes.

Because I love the Blues.

And, if it weren't for the heartache of loving someone more than they love you (or at least thinking you do), there would be no Blues.

Oh, yeah!

2004-11-19T15:05:00.000-06:00

Beliefnet.com -- Today's Bible Reading
Today's Bible reading, the widow who would be vindicated.

I am determined to be vindicated, too.

God visited me a couple of nights ago.
I was praying in my bed, and I got to worshipping Him for being so amazing. His presence came to me, and He smiled on me, and He healed my right jaw (tooth grinding, tight molars, slow decalcification) by directing calcium to the the needy areas.

He also healed my right hand in the first set of joints, which bear the brunt of the wear and tear of my work.
I could see it all as if in The Incredible Journey, as it was happening.
He radiated His love on me, and the healing came on me in those two places.
I didn't deserve it - I wasn't even that aware that I needed it, although I did - and He just gave it to me.

I felt so loved!

I am trying to love Hub, to find the Love Language that speaks to his heart.
He has been rejecting my overatures.
I hear "Not tonight Josephine", more often that Josephine!
I am a beautiful fourty-something woman, and I am feeling VERY womanly.
I wish he would avail himself of the opportunities this circumstance provides!
I think he enjoys being hard-to-get, an enigma, making people try to unlock him, figure him out.
It's actually an attention getting device, I think.
A way of being in control.
The less he says, the smarter he can look.
Hub has enjoyed being the dark horse often.
Because he usually gives no opinion before an event or issue, he can treat everyone to his 20/20 hindsight later.
He used to be much worse, but he is willing to risk an opinion more often now.
What a relief! Even if I don't like his opinion, at least I know where I stand.

I was writing about Hub's cruel way with words last Blog.
Another zinger?

Just after our second son's birth, the nurse came around to educate me about tubal ligations, in case the experience of giving birth had soured me on having any more kids.
I had a fantastic birth experience, and my baby was so beautiful, that I was amazed anyone would want suggest a stop to production when everything was going so well.

I was ready to beat Cheaper by the Dozen!

I told Hub about it later, and he said that maybe I should think about it.
I thought my body had been through enough and I asked him if he would consider a vasectomy.
"No," he said.
"I might want to have more children later."
"Oh," I replied.
"WITH WHOM?"

I don't want to be unfair.
When I have told Hub that his words have wounded me, he has often apologised.
Sometimes it took a lot of evidence of pain, like tears, or the risk of someone else hearing what he'd said before he would say "sorry".
Sometimes he has been truly and touchingly sorry. It's easy to forgive him, then.
However, I think that his apologies are mainly along the lines of;
"I am sorry if you are hurt by what I said (But it's just too bad, - the truth hurts, don't it!)"

Yeah.
I'm sorry, too.

2004-11-17T15:19:00.000-06:00

FUGLY

My hub sent me the redneck rollercoaster, renamed the Saskatchewan rollercoaster, to commemorate our visit to Moose Jaw, SK, to visit the Temple Gardens Mineral Springs there.

Give me a break!

We had mostly a nice time. For me, aside from visiting the Tunnels, eating well in restaurants and the spa, the highlights were catching a glimpse of It's a New Day, a Christian talk show where I used to be a counselor.
Gary Chapman was discussing his new book The Five Languages of Love, and later during our stay, we found it and bought it.

Hub has a wounding way with words that sometimes catches me by surprise. On Saturday, our last evening, we were eating at a really good restaurant, and in addition to wine and dessert, we were treated to complimentary Irish Creams on ice. Whilst sipping in serendipity, instead of saying something appropriate AND true, like "You look great", "You lost weight", or "I'm having such a good time", Hubs screws up his face as if I was becoming the Human Fly, and asks me whether I'd seen the dentist recently.

I KNEW my breath was sweet.
I knew my teeth were clean and white - I just bleached them.

Why do I need to interrupt my anniversary dinner to see the dentist for an emergency appointment at 9PM in Moose Jaw, SK?

Because my two front teeth are bowing inwardly - a little.

This upset me more than a little, because
a.) I had noticed this years ago.
b.) I got two quotes on fixing it.
c.) It got voted down as it was too expensive, $1,000 a tooth, would require scraping off my natural enamel, building it up with dental ceramic, and need to be redone every five years or so, and wasn't covered on any dental plan we ever had because it was a cosmetic procedure.

Hub had forgotten all this.
He saw nothing of the warm, emotionally responsive, beautiful woman who looks younger than her age across the table from him.
He only noticed a shadow on my smile.

What about his balding head?
What about his noisy hemorrhoids?
What about his big stomach?

He's starting to look like Homer Simpson.

He fantasizing about other women finding him attractive all the time.
The world teems with them!
Of course!
They are Homer Simpson fans!

On Friday, he ignored me almost all day, hardly looked at me, didn't walk beside me or take my hand, like he was telling the world, "I'm NOT really with her". Until close to supper time, when he poured on the warmth suddenly. Was it the thought of food that made him emotionally expansive, or a late insurance policy for fun in bed later?

On Sunday, on the way home, I told him I was exercising while driving. He told me to be sure my sphincter got a good workout.

On Monday, we met with our accountability couple, and, for the first time ever, Hub suggested that I blocked his education by insisting on starting a family.

When we were first married, it is true, we agreed to take turns going to school.
Hub didn't yet know what he wanted to do, so he said I should go first.
He took my first student loan cheque, and spent more than half of it on jeans and leather jackets for himself!
In the middle of the second year he lost his job, so I had to leave school and go to work.
Happily, I found a job in the area I had trained for, but at only 5 cents an hour more than I'd been making before my education.
I was on the Pill, and my periods were getting strange and the Pill was making me nauseous.
When I threw it up, I didn't have confidence I was protected. (I was right.)
Therefore, I wanted to go off the Pill for a while.
According to the guidelines at the time, it was recommended to break from the Pill after so many years on it.
I suggested other contraceptives, but Hub didn't like any of them.
Starting a family was no sudden business.
Nine full months after I stopped the Pill, I conceived.
Then, when our first son was just sitting up, we were at camp and forgot to pack "everything".
I told Hub it was a risk. He said he didn't care. Later, he said he just thought it wouldn't happen.
Our second son was on his way, and his older brother was only seven months!
I admit I was resentful for some time.
I went to see a counselor at last who helped me to accept my situation.
I was at home with two rambunctious little babies, when Hub remembered that it was his turn to go to school, and he went - FOUR NIGHTS A WEEK!
Oh, God in heaven, those were long and lonely days for me, especially in the winter!
I was being left behind with the bambinos while he went to church alone, shopping alone, out for coffee with friends, without me...
And then he needed quiet to do his homework. As we weren't quiet enough, he went to the library, stayed late at school, repeated classes he couldn't seem to pass...
Then came the day when I had everything under control for once. A tidy house, a good supper, freshly bathed children all ready for bed. Sitting on a rocking chair, nursing the youngest, in a perfect moment to tell me he loves me, appreciates all I do, that I'm a great wife and mother - he tells me "He struggles with the thought that he married the wrong person".

Blew me away.

I struggled, hard, with suicidal thoughts after that.
I thought life is too short to spend it with an ingrate like him.
I thought there must be better men, better fathers out there.
But I knew from my own Dad's endless longing that the boys would want no other father but their own.
And I knew that God had promised me life with Hub would be hard, but that I was strong enough.

That is when I began to throw myself into the community.
If I got no appreciation or thanks at home, I would find it elsewhere.
And I DID.
I became a direct sales queen and a community leader.

Hub didn't like this, and we started going to Married For Life classes.
I decided to take up the challenge of working WITH Hub instead.
I gave up my outside activities that were so successful and gratifying.
While we were in agreement and worked together, it was great.
Our kids were happy and did well at school.
It was the best time of our marriage so far.

Nothing, however, lasts forever.

More later, Gentle Reader.

2004-11-11T00:02:00.000-06:00

The Time Machine - Official Site

This movie had lousy reviews, but we saw it this week, and it wasn't bad. Certainly took huge liberties with the book, but the director was the author's grandson, which sort of implies an okay. The machine itself was interesting, Victorian-style, with crystal vanes on a sort of pair of veggie-steamers to make a time bubble.

It was no worse than the Count of Monte Cristo.

I got an email from our second son, who is feeling homesick.
He got the parcel I sent him last week.
I miss him, too.

Tomorrow, we are supposed to go on our trip to the spa for three nights. I am nervous that excuses to put it off will be found by Hub, as on my vacation.

He is away so many evenings, that we hardly get to talk. It's always too early or too late.

I found a whole pile of unpaid bills when I oragnized his invoices for paying taxes.

I feel taken advantage of.

I am chugging along, paying the mortgage, soon the new van payments will start, and guess what vehicle everyone prefers to drive? Especially because I keep the tank full. I'm on the hook for the hotel reservations - it's on my card. Meanwhile, NO bills have been paid. He makes about twice my wages. What's he doing with his money? I know he eats lunch in a different restaurant every day. I should know, I just organized the receipts!

I opened 55 untouched envelopes that arrived by post since July!

I want to take a ride in a time machine, to see if I could nip a few things in the bud.

But for now, I'll settle for the spa.

Eh, I just phoned him. It's midnight, doncha know, and he says he still has 2 more hours til he's done. That's 2AM, and he wants to leave for the spa at 6AM.

I have a bad feeling about this.

2004-11-05T18:35:00.000-06:00

CyberPatrol - Internet Filtering Software

I have noticed that Hub is signed on MSN Messenger today, at 5:11 pm, while he said he was at work.

MSN Messenger is an internet chat service. You can use it from any computer, because you can log into the MSN Messenger server with nothing more than a passport identity and a password.

I called him at 5:00 on his cel phone to remind him about the Parent and Youth function at church tonight. He said he was busy at work and didn't know when he'd be done.

I asked him to call back with sufficient notice so that our third son and I could meet him at church if neccessary.

He took his laptop with him this morning. It has no cyber patrol software that I can get reports from, unlike the other computers at home.

I could still write a message to him. I noticed that he seemed to be on MSN Messenger at work, and I asked him if he was using it to contact his clients/suppliers.

He returned at 6:30 pm, and when I asked him about his appearing to be logged on to MSN Messenger, he said he'd remained logged in since about two days ago, when he was chatting with a friend.

I wonder if I should ask him to send me cyber patrol reports from the laptop also.

2004-10-28T18:33:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN Health & Fitness : News : Average American is 1 inch taller, 25 pounds heavier than 40 years ago

Bigger is NOT better.

Don't be too short for your weight, Dear Gentle Reader.
Live longer - Don't be super-sized.

Hubs and I just bought a new mattress & spring set. What says "committment" more than buying something that comes with a ten-year guarantee?
Our old mattress & spring set wore out partly because of our difference in weight, although I turned AND flipped the mattress at least twice a year for even wear.

I was heavy and he wasn't.
Now the tables are turned, and Hubby has become a little tubby.

The thing comes with a 20" TV...
We have an extra VCR...
Welcome to the Love Nest Home Theatre!
I will stage a private Chick Flick Festival, complete with chocolate bon-bons, roses and wine.
He can have a Martial Arts Marathon with ??? Beer? Saki? Snacky?
Eating, lazing about, flipping the remote...
Isn't that how we all collectively got to be an average of 25 lbs heavier?

Maybe we'd just better give that TV to charity or something...

2004-10-28T08:56:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN Travel Canada : Travel News : American cruise to get Canadian flu shot a success

I just got my flu shot.
I am a healthcare worker, so I get mine free.
But we are starting to run out.
Perhaps those who are most at risk will not get their shot this winter.
How long can these cheap Canadian tours last?
A great exchange rate is one thing, but if we abuse our contracts with suppliers, they will want to renegotiate at higher rates.
After all, we are taking a lot of business away from them in their USA contracts, negotiated differently for a different system, currency and population.

Evetually, somebody pays the shot.

2004-10-26T22:11:00.000-05:00

Travelzoo

If this site comes up intact, then you'll see an offer to fly return to Amsterdam for a four-night stay.

What would you do in Amsterdam?

That I could read with filters on?

I would want to stay longer than four days. I would also want to travel by train and bicycle around Europe.

Gentle Reader(s), why don't you tell me about your travel experiences?
I'd love to hear about your best & worst.

Hub and I are still on for our Anniversary trip to certain mineral springs in Saskatchewan.

Further to my last Blog, where I described our most recent fight...
I am thinking hard about the counsellor's advice.

I know I initially dissed it, but it's been on my mind all day for two days.

What do I gain from freaking out when Hub googles other females?
I have to watch that I don't give myself a heart attack.
Is the aggravation worth it?
Can I handle it differently?

What does he get, if anything, out of my freaking out?
He knows I always will find this kind of stuff, and ask about it.
Certainly, he sees that I care about the relationship.
Perhaps too much.
Does this assure him of my committment, or turn him on?
Considering two words: Passive Aggression.

If I did not check the computer, or didn't confront him if I did find something bad, would we be happier?
I MIGHT be happier - Ignorance is bliss. He would be out of my fire, but also alone with the problem, and the eventual consequences. But now that I know it's been a problem, how can I pretend it isn't there, wasn't there, or that it may come back?
Should I care if he looks, or what he looks at? If I care about his soul, I should.
I feel VERY strongly against sin - and I don't feel right or holy permitting or enabling it.
I have already concluded in the last blog that I can't keep him from THINKING about other females.
Heck, I concluded this YEEEEARS ago!
But it's WRONG to take these interests out from his fantasy into trackable reality

Would my ignoring this behavior make it an non-issue, or encourage him to go nuts on the 'net?
His behavior has been described to me as appearing compulsive. Think of a compulsive thief or liar. Do they cure their condition themselves if everyone ignores it? I don't think so! No-one has ever done well by putting Yogi Bear in charge of the picnic baskets. No lunch, plus a fat, dangerous bear!

Conclusion:

I will TRY not to freak out if I see evidence of bad things happening.
It's bad for me, and I don't have to go crazy over this stuff.
But I will talk about it.
With Hub.
And just for the record, with the counsellor.

2004-10-25T22:44:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN Health & Fitness : Weight Loss : Laughter Truly is the Best Medicine

We always knew this, right, Gentle Reader?

I have bought a van, a 1999 Chevy Venture.
I have joined the legions of foolish thousands who are in debt for a depreciable commodity! But I could find nothing good for cash on hand. I am financing $5K, $80 biweekly for three years, and paying the balance in cash.
Hubs was Googling old high school friends and our female Japanese professor guest on Friday.
I did this, too, once. Tried to look up the temptations about whom I have written. See archives.
That was when I thought we would be breaking up.
But since we have met with the counselling couple from church, I have committed to hang in there, and I am not looking anymore.
But Hubs has chosen to keep looking.
I asked him why, and we fought.
He doesn't like it that I am suspicious.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked.
"I was bored," he said.
"Why didn't you ask me for the Prof's info?" I press.
I correspond with her.
I was home on that day quite a lot between shifts.
He had to lift up my laptop and rifle through my papers to find her business card for her proper name, yet never thought to mention to me that he wanted to get in touch with her.
He got angry and left.
I got angry and left as well.
Thought about going to my parents.
NO.
Visiting the counselling couple.
No.
Going to a bar?
Forget that!
I went to my old refuge, the Art Gallery, where I spent many a quiet day gazing at the sometimes incomprehensable works of art on exhibition. Where I first had life drawing classes with actual unclothe people. And they were real people, not objects, but people who needed bathroom breaks, got cold, had to use the phone, who could a joke or make conversation, as if the WEREN'T the focus of twenty or so pairs of detail-driven eyes. Those were some of my best and boldest drawings. Later, things got so serious, and I lost my lyric line. I have very good memories of the Art Gallery. Where I was treated as an equal while still a teen, with respect, and my drawings were discussed on par with every other artist in the class.

Admission used to be free, now it's $6. While there, I decided to take in the Cannes Lion awards at 7PM that night - the funniest and best ads of the previous year. Since they are usually very funny, I knew I would have some good laughs. And we all know how good laughter is for the soul, Gentle Reader.

I went to the Forks for dinner, looked at the statue of Ghandi that India has donated to our as-yet unbuilt Human Rights museum, almost lost my wallet, and went to the Nook, which used to be a Salsbury House I used to frequent after school for Cokes and Fries on my way to the Sherbrooke Pool, the warmest pool in our city. A great treat in the wintertime, with free hot showers that nobody ever bothered to turn off. Oh, I cringe at the waste now that I pay the bills, alright.

I had pie and tea at the Nook, and the staff there were so funny in the way they kibbitzed arround with the customers and each other...

I think I went a little crazy that day.

I went back to the AG in time to find parking for the show, and there he was.
With a seat saved for me.
No. NO!
No way, "Googlemeister!"
I took my own seat, two rows down, made friends with the old lady beside me, and got ready to enjoy the show.
I was not disappointed. There were some great laughts, some of the best from other countries.

Getting close to the end, Hubs took a seat beside me.
I guess he thought if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
After the show, he stuck close to me. But I am angry, and I have the right to be. I leave him in the rain - I am going to the safehouse, and I am never looking back. I had made contingency plans, and I didn't have to go home with someone who was sneaking again. But I promised to hang in there. I am torn. What do I want? I WANT HIM TO STOP LOOKING FOR OTHER WOMEN ON THE INTERNET. I always find out, and it hurts. Why does he keep doing it, knowing this?
I loop back, looking for him in the October rain. Nowhere in sight. I look again. I see him. I pull up beside him, and he gets in. Will I just drop him off and go to the safehouse?
I think I went a little crazy in the car. I told him I WANT HIM TO STOP LOOKING FOR OTHER WOMEN ON THE INTERNET. He promised, and I came home.
I love my family, my sons. I love my home I have worked so hard for, in every way.
Even if he stops looking on the internet, might he just keep looking in his thoughts? I talk to the female half of the counselling couple. She believes that this behavior sounds compulsive and suspicious, hardly the action of someone serious about rebuilding trust in his marriage. She wonders, to me, what would happen if I did nothing when I find such evidence. IF I DID NOTHING?
I might have understood it if she said, SAY nothing to him, but pray. I can't tell you how often I have done THAT. But to DO nothing when you find a sin only encourages continuance of the sin, I find. Especially if the sinner knows that you have seen, and by choice said nothing. Silence is assent - an old Roman legal precept. Even the ancient Old Testament condemns the female who is attacked in the city, and doesn'y cry out.
Silence is the accomplice of wrongdoing.

Her final advice?

Hang in there!

Okay, I'm hanging in... but not silently.

2004-10-19T16:14:00.000-05:00

Is every memory worth keeping? Pills to reduce mental trauma raise controversy ajc.com

IS every memory worth keeping?
Good question.
I have heard and seen and done and had done to me things I wish never happened.

I think we need our memories - even the awful ones. We are made sadder but wiser by our experiences.
Wiser still if we remember the lessons learned.

We survive.
We transcend.
We soften the bad stuff, airbrush it, repress it, even forget it.

So, to all the people in white labcoats in R&D, I'd rather manage my own memories, thanks all the same.

Here's one.
One Saturday, my Mom had taken us to the local museum. (I am the oldest of four, all born within four years!)
There is a theatre in the basement and a film was about to screen. It was about WWII, no rating posted, and someone told Mom she should see it. We were seated, and it was Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse Five".
I was what, in grade four, five, six? And I was the oldest, and there we five were, (I'm counting Mom here), wide-eyed and unsuspecting, sealed in our seats by hip University Lit students and avante garde film people.

I wasn't ready for the things I saw on that screen, or the way they made me feel.
Or I didn't think I was.
I was very concious of losing some of my childhood, and it disturbed me.

Is every memory worth keeping? Possibly, if everything that happens is part of a plan.
And maybe it is, in "Amelie"or "Butterfly Effect" -like patterns that we cannot see.

We are reading "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren at Church, Housegroup and at home.

How close am I to living in my purpose?
How close are you, Dear Reader?

2004-10-18T20:58:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN Health & Fitness : News : U.S. psychology prof finds 'truth wizards'; They know a lie when they hear it

SuperLiars and Truth Wizards - Know any, Gentle Reader?

I am constantly finding people in self-delusion, like the older person who says health care is for
REEALLY sick people, not them, as they nearly fall getting in or out of their chair.
Or like my Hub, who said the sudden coolness I noticed after his counselling appointment was due to his being tired.
A little more inquiry, and I found out that he'd been telling his counsellor that my Dad is emotionally & verbally abusive (He IS),
and that Hubs thinks that I am sometimes like him (I sure wouldn't choose to be!).

"Oh, do you feel like she's abusing you?"

Hey.
Hey, yeah.
THAT'S the ticket!

Instead of his mother,
Instead of his father (deceased),
Instead of himself, he can start by blaming ME.

And my Dad, who he doesn't like anyway.

"Why stir up all that pain and anger from the past?", he asked.
"What good does it do?"

Sure it hurts.
I felt hurt by the counsellor's question.
I have to think about it, not just block it like a Kung Fu kick.

Maybe I am becoming the thing I loathe the most.

It will take time to get to the heart of the whole matter.
And I'm vulnerable at a time such as this, too.
I wonder if he would get on with it quicker if I were not around; to blame, to distract, to hurt.

But I told him to make the second appointment.

Please, God, help us.

2004-10-15T19:28:00.000-05:00

Dance class

Opening today!!
"Shall We Dance?"
Starring....MY town!
I'm going to see this much-anticipated movie (by ME, for one) tonight!

It's been a while, hasn't it, Gentle Reader?
My connection to the internet has been interrupted for either a router failure due to a surge, a short, or some other cause.

One other computer of the household total of five remained connected, with errors, throughout the downtime.
But I don't like committing my personal thoughts to a strange box.

All is well.
Hub and I continue in our marriage.
He is going to a counsellor.
I continue to shop for the clothing bank.
Thanksgiving was marvelous.
I tried a new pumpkin pie and apple dumpling which seems to have succeeded.
I've had a raise, and I have been offered a permanent part-time position where I work, result of the very good evaluation.

More later.

2004-10-02T10:55:00.000-05:00

Science prize celebrates fish flatulence, hula hoops | CNET News.com

Hubbers sent me this link in an email, promising that I "heard it here first".
Oh, joy!
Gentle Reader, my life now has deeper meaning because I now know that fish can communicate by flatulent bubble.
The comic book artists had it right all along. Who knew?

The gender of said fish?
Probably male!

Right now, Hubs is hiding out in the bathtub, trying to renege on a promise to assist with the arduous task of Saturday morning grocery shopping.
I arose at 8:30, read the Sat. paper, solved the big crossword puzzle and the cryptogram, made the list (technically, HAD it made by oldest son while doing other work - delegation of labour! multi-tasking!)
and was all but ready to go.

Why do I need Hubs to go grocery shopping with me, when I could ask either of my sons?

I wanted to ask his opinion on something.
I don't want to pre-sell it until he sees it, because that has never been successful.
However, the IDEA that I want to wait until he sees it has so bothered Hubs, that he offered his opinion in advance, an unqualified NO to an unknown question.

Now he can feel powerful all day, having said NO to what he does not even know what he has said NO to.

He reads this Blog religiously, Reader, so I won't divulge here what I am wanting to present to him.

Only be content knowing this. It is not what he thinks, and he will feel very foolish later.

2004-09-30T17:48:00.000-05:00

CANOE Travel - My Travel Getaway Contest
Got a travel story? It could be worth a valuable trip.

2004-09-28T10:28:00.000-05:00

Red River College - Online Catalogue

This is the course I wish to take. Applications accepted after October 1st.

The waiting list is long because so many people view it as their ticket to success. Nurses are respected and well-paid. However, the dropout rate is also large because people get tired of waiting.

I should have become a nurse back in the 70's when I first planned to, but, as the therapist said to the patient, "Woulda, coulda, shoulda-! Get over it! Fifty dollars, please."

2004-09-27T22:52:00.000-05:00

DancingPaul.com: I can dance if I want to!

Our Romance Dance class was FULL!!!

Waaaaahh!!
Wahh!! Wahh!!
WAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Hubs says nothing, but is secretly relieved.

Here,(sniff, sniff!) Gentle Reader, is a funny site I used to dull the pain, (yes the pure pain !)of missing out on my long-anticipated, much-hoped-for, first-time-Hubs-had-EVER-agreed-to try-dancing Romance Dance class.

What am I going to do with that black velvet dress and those long satin gloves now?

Yes, yes...
I know.
Halloween IS coming.

2004-09-25T19:43:00.000-05:00

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) on Sympatico Powered by MediResource

Now that Autumn is officially upon us, O Gentle Reader, guard against SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder.
The right lighting can help fight off SAD. My kitchen is equipped with balanced spectrum lights, and it helps.

I have had a week of spa treats on my vacation week.
Monday:
Hair touch-up and Chocolate Spa - books to read.

Tuesday:
Eyelash tint & wax (Ouch!!!) - DVDs and VHS romantic movies.

Wednesday:
Swimming, with spa tub and sauna, Aromatherapy - MORE romantic movies.

Thurday:
Salt scrub exfoliation and all-over aloe moisturizer - Bike ride.

Friday:
2 Visits with friends, stretches, vegetarian dinner in an India restaurant, followed by Spiderman2 at the Imax. (It's SO much better at the Imax!)

Saturday:
Shopping for healthy foods and a super-sexy black stretch velvet long gown to go Romance Dancing, or maybe just Romancing, in. With the over-the-elbow white stretch satin gloves, of course!

Tonight is the sneak preview of "Shall we Dance" with Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez, shot mostly in my city.

I would love to see it.

C'mon, hubbaroonie!

Make a lady happy!

2004-09-22T13:09:00.000-05:00

http://www.decisionimpasse.com/

Today is the day of truth.

Hubs is being called on to decide the direction of his future.

Have you, Gentle Reader, ever had to make a difficult decision?

This site has apparently helped others, I have not tried it for myself.

2004-09-21T20:00:00.000-05:00

http://www.toyota.com/rav4/

Ta Da!
This is the NEW Rav4.
(When I erroniously pressed the shift key, I got Rav$. Yeah, um, that's about right... no error, actually)

I don't want new, can't afford new.

I want Granny's immaculate Rav4, driven only to Safeways on Seniors Discount Days.

Let's see what the market will bear...

2004-09-21T10:26:00.000-05:00

More than Just a Slump

Who knew that being tired could be a sign of something serious? Most of us operate under a bsleep deficeit anyway.
Get sufficient rest, Gentle Reader, and then it will be clear whether there could be other problems.

I am getting some rest now that I'm on my vacation, and I have decided that I will give myself ONE home spa budget treat per day for the duration!
I will also do random acts of kindness for my guests, my sons and especially my spouse.
(I feel like I'm a Guide again, instead of the railing wailer you have come to know and possibly love!)

I also have an unfinished project that will weigh on me if I don't do it. It is meant to be a labour of love, and I must return to that love to find the inspiration, skill and energy to do it.

Yesterday, I indulged in a Chocolate Spa Day.
I soaked in the tub with my home spa jet, and ate 20 President's Choice chocolate chips, one melting moment at a time, while doing my crossword puzzle, reading my novel, soaking in lemon and rose-scented cold cream and touching up my roots with l'Oreal Preferrence Plus.

I read about the Lady Godiva spa package at a premium spa in town. Chocolate-raspberry soak, cocoa butter massage, chocolate moisturizer... MMmmmm... But, I can spoil myself better and LONGER for almost nothing!

I had fresh flowers and aromatherapy from that Scents of Time book I wrote about earlier. I tried something a little different with my hair... a wee bit darker for a shiny chocolate brown with a red chocolate overcast, and a long soak in conditioner.

Chicken curry for dinner and chocolate pudding and cookies for dessert.

Chocolate surprise for Hubsie. He was surprised... pleasantly!

Today I will run errands and get my eyelashes dyed at the local beauty school.

My tax refund is coming. I think it will be enough for a down payment on a Rav4, which I think will be the best thing to drive this coming winter, and the boys will think it's SO cool when they borrow it. It's the sort of thing I'd like my second son to drive when he's between Camp and the city.

The Toyota has passed 300,000 k! It's acting tired, and I'm hating the thought of facing winter driving THAT car.

Thankyou, faithful servant. Rust in Peace.

2004-09-20T09:52:00.000-05:00

The 40ish Hangout

I have recently joined this great MSN group.
I couldn't figure out how to post for a while...
I was using the wrong email address - not the one I used when I first applied.
So I "listened and learned" for a while.
Are you 40ish?
Need to hang out with some nice people from all over the world?
You might enjoy this group.

2004-09-19T23:28:00.000-05:00

Here's some food for thought, Gentle Reader:

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma eck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

"I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it .. live it .and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally.

I hope you all have a blessed day."

One word.
WOW.

2004-09-14T19:41:00.000-05:00

Experiences - Outdoor - Horseback Riding

I'd love to go horseback riding. I am a western gal - the real thing, born in the shadow of the Alberta Foothills.
My grandfather was good with horses - he would buy well-bred horses cheap who were badly broken, or had vices, and re-break them properly. My own horse-whisperer.

I have some vacation days coming!
Although we can't be away together for the whole time, Hubs will take a long weekend off and we will go west.
I'm thinking of somewhere with HOT SPRINGS! We both can use a break.

We were at a wedding this weekend. Hubs was part of the wedding party, I helped in a small way with decorating the church. It was a lovely time. The bridal colours were autumn shades. Hubs rented a Lincoln Continental to chauffeur the bride and groom around for bridal pick-up, photo shoot, the wedding, and the reception.

Hearing the vows again made me cry - it's a shame ours were broken. Can something so broken be remade? I think of LOTR (Lord Of The Rings, which I read before it was fashionable) and Aragorn's sword.

"It has been - remade"

2004-09-13T20:12:00.000-05:00

Welcome to MailOrderHusbands.net: Look at all the bachelors, don't wait propose today

Are you ready to laugh?
Check out this phoney site. It was almost banned for reverse chauvenism. It is scary just how much this resembles "real" internet match-up sites!

Don't forget the compatibilty test.

This should give the mated among us new and grateful regard for our present partners!

I mean, think, ladies, of what you're missing!

2004-09-12T10:48:00.000-05:00

PREP Inc. Home Page

Here is the home page of the team that put the tape series we're listening to.

Troubled marriages, according to what we've heard so far on the tapes, are often caused by communication problems that stem from insecurity and avoidance of both hidden and overt issues until they become an "event". (okay, the "Main Event": a down & dirty fight! POW!! WHAMMM!! SOCKO!!!)

Happier couple seem to be able to talk about and settle issues WITHOUT fighting dirty.

Couples like me and Hub can LEARN how to fight politely.

Marquise of Queensbury rules, here we come!

Check it out for yourself, Gentle Reader.

It can't hurt to learn NOT to hurt.

2004-09-11T07:54:00.000-05:00

Find a Therapist or Counsellor

Here is a site that offers ways of finding a counsellor, even online counselling!
Counselling is a great idea.
Who you choose for counsel is really important.
They should not have preconceived doctrines and ideas (or vitamin clubs!).
Your situation is unique, and deserves to be treated as such.
The counsellor should be experienced and have a positive track record of helping people to be better off than they were, together or apart.
Ask for referrences. Follow up.
At the end of the day, you, not the counsellor, are responsible for any decisions and actions you make.

Divorce is something I have been wondering about.
It is not always the first or best choice, especially when there are kids.
Divorce dosn't get your spouse out of your life.
You may actually have to spend more time communicating with them than before! Without the daily irritants, you may wonder why you are apart from that nice (now!) person!
That is why I've been hanging in there for my marriage so tenaciously.
Though there is a lot of bad, there still is good.
Breaking up also gives others in your sphere of influence who have been stuggling "permission" to give up trying and split.
That can hurt.
Sometimes, and this is what Hub and I are reaching for, what you need is a better "deal" from your spouse, like respect, communication, time for mutually enjoyable activities, etc. - and to get out of the circular patterns that feed fights.
We can't do this alone. We need help beyond ourselves!
I acknowledge my need for God's forgiveness for the bad attitude I have had, and the bad ways I treat Hub.
It was his choice to do the things he did, and not at all my fault, but how I reacted is my responsibility.
Hub and I are going to try listening to a tape series called "Fighting FOR your marriage". It's been recommended by good friends.
We see our counsellors again in a week and a half.

2004-09-10T19:09:00.000-05:00

Google Search: answerology

Were I live, O Gentle Reader, we get a internet zine called Canoe.
It's a little like MSN and Yahoo.

I can, Canoe?

This week it recommended Answerology.com as an anonymous place to pose relationship questions to a global community of men & women.

Ask Anything Anonymously
(Okay, a sucker I am for alitteration!)

Huh!

Is wisdom found in numbers; specifically, numbers of possible (self-reported) men and women, who have time to devote to hours of poring over the queries of strangers, possible (self-reported) men and women with possible (self-reported) problems?
Without any credentials or accountability?
Why aren't they busy HAVING relationships instead of talking about them?
(Ahem! Is it possible that I am in this category m'self? Point to ponder!)
I still think real people with qualifications are the best source of counsel.
The content of the page was too hot for our CyberSitter, it wouldn't display.
I'm not sure if I would want it to!

Update about the state of our union.
Together, our mutual choice, but with a LOT of work to do.
Will we stick to it?

We are seeing that couple we've been referred to who counsel.
No vitamin spiel as yet.
We had some finding of facts.
I've been contemptuous, competitive and crushing.
Hub has been mean, sneaky and juvenile.

We kinda knew this.

But it feels strangely satisfying to have it confirmed by a third party, although IN TRUTH, we should both be ashamed of our respective and collective selves.

2004-09-06T21:58:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN Member Directory - Public Profile
This is my husband's MSN Messenger Public Profile.
He sent it to me.
So we can chat?
There is a website, too.
Gentle Reader, if you dare, check out the Fishin' Gals.
I won't even look.

2004-08-31T07:51:00.000-05:00

href="http://www.nytimes.com/learning/general/onthisday/20040831.html?th">

Today is the seventh anniversary of Princess Diana's .

Last night I went out to a Bookstore, and picked up three books, treats for me. I wore my new fall outfit, a soft cream blouse and a long, slimming, low-cut paisley jumper.
Figure magic!
The checkout lad noticed my classy attire, and poured on the charm.
One book was on DIY Pilates, another on DIY Detox, and the third was a volume on DIY fragrance, my aromatherapy experiment.
"Scents of Time" was published by the Metropolitan Museum of Art, NY.
It is both ravishing to the eye and the nose, as it presents the story, with illustrations from their art collection and samples of the fragrances that have proven the test of time.
The essences are very strong, the samples generous.
I still love the rose scent best.
That's the romantic in me, I guess.
Hub came to visit me to say goodnight, and I showed him my purchases.
He was a little surprised.
He was interested in the sandalwood/jasmine scent because it reminded him of India.
This morning I found pure Saffron spice on the kitchen counter.
Maybe Hub will make something tasty with it tonight.

2004-08-30T20:48:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN Lifestyle : Family : Articles : Put on your dancing shoes! Take lessons online

This may be the way I finally get some dancing into my life - this or go to the lessons alone.

Alone IS an option... Some nice gent may have the same daring idea, and there we are.

The counselors have been called.

Hub brought home a bakery treat for me today, trying to woo me.
He was holding the box out to me, then inexplicably asked me if I "deserved" it.

Wooing a betrayed wife, eh?

Wrong thing to ask.

As if all our present unhappiness was my fault, and not the natural fruit of his choice to indulge in wickness.

I tried to forgive him for over two years of horror and revulsion,
of feeling dirty and defiled for being with him, even needing him.
of self-punishment for my own weakness and insecurity to stay with a soul so stained,
and worst, letting my sons remain in their soiled father's presence.

WHILE supporting him through his studies and unemployment,
depression, medication dependancy and increased use of alcohol.

If he were charged for his crimes, there would be an outcry. The papers would have a heyday.
He would be in jail forever, solitary confinement, for his own protection.

The Old Testement was written with awareness of the dark heart of humankind.
It names and judges Hub's crime.

A sentence.

As I think about it, it's probably the most merciful thing to do.

For the criminal, the victim, the shamed family.

As it is, my crime is unforgiveness.

I could forgive a cheating businessman, but choose not to do business with him again.
I could forgive a bad haircut, and not return to that salon.
What I maintain is that I can forgive a bad husband, and not have to remain with him.

My freedom.

Because of the fact I've sincerely tried,
so long, so hard,
in the face of his incomprehensable arrogance, only one example of which do you see above,
and the relief from hypocracy I would know at last,

I DO deserve this!

2004-08-30T07:42:00.000-05:00

MSNBC - �Find A Husband After 35�

Although starting a new life at my age may be challenging, it is NOT impossible.

We met with one of the Pastors from church.

My proposal is separation.

I have felt more comfortable, safer, less compromised and free from the horrible vibes & images that I get off Hub: since we've been sleeping apart.

I have a heart condition - perfect for this situation.
It's called an insufficient heart, due to a leaky valve.

We are supposed to meet with a couple who counsel
(we've met them - they seemed very interested in getting us on their vitamin club.)

We'll see what happens.

The deck is always stacked against the woman, and I will have to be the bad person in order to set the poor victim (It's better if they think it's Ron, even though he started all this) free of the horrible, unforgiving Virago.

That's ME.

2004-08-28T01:17:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN Member Directory - Advanced Search

Here's a source of amusement.
You get everything in this directory from the most sincere-sounding call of lonely longing into the cold ether to mocking, time-wasting empty shells, and the many shadows of truth and lies betwixt and between.

This is the masquerade that e-anonymity makes possible.

But how anonymous are we, really?

When I changed my profile, Hubs gets an invitation to an intimate casual hook-up group.

Was it spam, did he leave cookies where he shouldn't - or was it targeted marketing?

I tried to crystalize my thoughts today, my day off, at the bookstore. I wrote in a handwritten journal the pros and cons of our marriage, and the anatomy of our fights, so that I am ready for the pastoral cousellor when he sees us tomorrow.

Hubs joined me at the bookstore's mall, took me out for dinner, took me out for live jazz and chai, then to a movie. There was a rainbow over us as we went to the Jazz, and a full moon above us as we drove home. Auspicious!

We saw The Hero, with Jett Li. That movie was all about colour, silk blowing in the wind, and wire-work martial arts. It told the story of the unification of China

This is like dating! But I can't be bought off so easily.

For our lives to work in harmony would require a level of cooperation, communication andd respect so unlike our usual mode of life, I wonder if it is even possible.
I am still thinking a separation would enable us to live without the fighting long enough to establish new and better habits.

Am I kicking against the goads, or am I right on?
We will soon find out.

2004-08-26T15:10:00.000-05:00

Google Search: internet matchmakers

Should I start looking for my next relationship already?
I don't think it's fair, but Hub-in-jeopardy hasn't always played fair with me.
Has he, now,the old deceiver?

I agreed we would go for counselling together. That's coming up probably Saturday. Same day as our middle son comes home from camp. He was invited to perform his Beat-Box accompaniment for a Christian Hip Hop rapper, who was so impressed, he asked our boy to record with him!

Hub was sick two nights ago, and I took care of him, so he thought everything was back to the way it was again.
Does he think I've got ADD or Alzheimer's?
Is this the First 50 Dates?

Where I live, it's 50/50...property, debts, everything; married or common-law.
Divorce mediation seems the civilized way to go.
I wonder if I will have to go all the way to the mat to get some respect.

Something my old boyfriend used to do that I loved was to chill his fingernails on the inside of the windshield, and softly stroke my face with his smooth, cool nail tips on hot summer days.

He liked to watch my face change colour while I appreciated the sensation.

He'd look at me like I was the most beautiful, the most wonderful, the only woman on earth.
And then he'd kiss me until I thought, maybe I was.

Yeah, I know.
I should write a book.

2004-08-26T08:39:00.000-05:00

Expedia.ca - the best place to find deals and discounts on Montr�al hotel and vacation packages

Montreal: Romance and Elegance -
I just want to get away!
At first I thought that HE should leave - the deceiving liar! All I find is lies, more lies.
But now, I am prepared to leave, although it is a step into the unknown.
I could walk out of one pair of arms into another.

There are arms open to receive me.

But it isn't fair if I am not free.

2004-08-22T23:26:00.000-05:00

2004-08-22T23:22:00.000-05:00

MSN Encarta - Quiz - Geographic Extremes%3A How Well Do You Know the World%3F
Here is a site on extremes.

I was extremely angry when I found out about Hub's removal of his wedding ring.
And for how long he kept it off.
And where he kept it.

Makes me kind of wonder what was going on when he decided to take it off.
Was it drive-through, "Dear"?
Or pick-up?

The best revenge is living well.
So I will.

Where was I last time we had a nice, long Blog, O Gentle Reader?

Oh, yes...

I was becoming more "interesting" to the boy-next-to-next-door.
When I went to Elementary School, I veered off to the right from my house.
But when I went to High School, I walked in front of his place.
To the left.

I was tall and thin. Tallest in my class for years.
I was a runner. Track & Field. Cross-Country.
I wore my hair 70's style. Long and straight, sometimes a barrel-curl.
Glasses. Yeah. Some pimples, too. I thought I was sooo ugly.
But someone was noticing me.

In grade 8, I found myself a circle of friends like me, learned to dress and put on make-up right, and started to feel like I was fitting in.
In grade 9, it was like someone sprayed on me with neon paint that only boys could see.

"Here she is!"
"Whisper into her ear!"
"Whisper into her phone!"
"Hug her, Kiss her, Squeeze her!"

But before all that ruckus, I was flattered to be noticed.

One summer day that year, I was playing Badminton on the street with my friend.
The Watcher sat on his front steps for a better view.
As we hit the bird harder, our "court" grew bigger.
To the left.

Did we two s, in our little halter tops, play to attract his attention? Did we rush up and down and jump for the bird to catch his eye?

Y'think?

On one hit, the bird got stuck in the elm branches overhead. When I tried to knock the bird down with my racquet, the racquet got stuck, too.

Oh, no!

GAME OVER.

But, wait!

The watcher sprang into action, gallantly hurling a corn-broom into the treetops and releasing the errant birdie and racquet!

Well, we thanked him, introductions all around, and we asked him to join us.

He DID!

This University man: Dept. of Civil Engineering, second year, a Safeway clerk (good money!) and the owner of a brown Duster, (front bench seat) YES, this man of means played badminton, however briefly, with us.

And after, when my friend was a little way off, he asked me if I wanted to out to a movie, or something, sometime.

And that, my friend, is how it all got started...

It's funny, but you become imprinted with your first love.
Although we never made love, we loved each other.
I still get a rush if I catch the scent of his brand of cologne, the sound of his voice.
We did some simple sensual things for each other that still stand as my benchmark for pleasures.

But he didn't want to marry or have kids just then, and I did.
So, I found someone who said they wanted what I wanted.
I believed him and I married him.

My old boyfriend visited our town not too long ago.
He found me, somehow.
Called me up on the phone.
Would I come and see him?

NOT seeing him was the hardest thing I never did.

But I stayed away for the sake of my Hub.
Who has kept his wedding ring in the car ashtray for a month.
"One of us has made a serious mistake here, and has wasted the valuable time of the other person."
Which one of us?

2004-08-22T21:29:00.000-05:00

superjer.com %3E videos %3E shockwave %3E theater
Proof positive that piracy doesn't pay!

I noticed today that Hub hadn't his wedding ring on.

When I asked him about it, I found out that he hasn't been wearing it for over a month.
Made his hand hurt, he said.

And where was he keeping this precious token of our union?

In the ashtray of his van, with the gum wrappers!

2004-08-20T23:20:00.000-05:00

Shall We Dance%3F
Here is a site on Ballroom Dance.
Hubster and I will enroll in a class, if we can get a spot, called Romance Dance.
It's all slow dancing for beginners.
Should be dreamy...

Why dancing after all these years?
Tut, Gentle Reader; you ought to know me by now.
I'm just looking for a new way to get Hub to hold me tight!
After over 23 years, we have held one another just about every way that clinging can be clung!

It's been over 20 years since I last danced with a partner.
I have been active with liturgical dancing occasionally in the last 10 years, but before that - nothing but dancing while doing housework & chasing children!

It's funny that the two main men in my life have not been eager dancers, like the more casual boyfriends were.
From the age of 15 to 20, I had an intense relationship with a boyfriend five years older than I.
He was the prosaic boy-next-to-next-door, who watched me grow more "interesting" from grade five, when I moved into the neighbourhood, to grade ten, when we started to go together.
I had no idea he was watching me, noticing me, all that time, until he told me.
I was flattered AND a little blown away all at once.

More later...

2004-08-18T15:35:00.000-05:00

MSN Women - Article
I housework, so any new ideas on reducing this time-consuming chore are welcomed by me.

Less stuff to clean? If only we could simplify our lives! There's always more stuff crossing the threshhold.

Hubbers got a "new" laptop - not the very expesive one he was going to order from Dell, but a customized reconditioned IBM thinkpad, which is even better, as it has all the ports he needs for any possible connections. Downward compatability can be a good thing. It looks a lot like the one I used when I was working as an Advisor for certain company.

Apparently, this techno-item is neccesary for new software he's training to use.

So, here am I, entering my Blog from MY laptop, an aging Compaq LTE 5280, bought when I was working as an Advisor for a previous certain company, perched atop HIS laptop, on a 60's vintage TV tray beside the his n' hers swivel rockers we keep in our bedroom alcove, where we talk, pray and even argue in private.

We have enough power for both laptops, but do we have enough broadband cable connection for each of us? Would a splitter work?

When we used to chat online, and in the same room, Hubs quickly began to make unprintable propositions to me. I guess it's an online thing, or a passing-notes-in-class thing. I would for such material to survive when I bring my LTE in for service. I technicians looking at me with a knowing eye.

In case you are reading my Blog, Hubby...

I still prefer the personal touch.

2004-08-16T21:27:00.000-05:00

I'm not a fat housewife anymore, but I appreciate the tragi-comic laughs.

2004-08-16T20:26:00.000-05:00

The Unofficial Sixpence None The Richer Website
I'm sorry to learn that this group has recently broken up.
Oh, well. Have a baby and everything changes.
I keep my promises almost all the time.
Here's proof.
These are my promised,
amateur,
probably not grammatically correct,
unaccented
French lyrics to one of my favorite love songs,
"Kiss Me" :

Embrassez-Moi
Dedier a l'espirit et l'esperance d'amour

Embrassez-moi, hor le champs plein d’orge barbue
Chaque nuit, au bord de l’herbe si vert
Tourne, tourne, (tourne, tourne) tourne-moi les pas de tourne
Portez vos chaussers chic et moi, je porterai cette robe joile

Ah, Embrassez-moi,
sous le ciel en l’eclat d’etoiles
Danse avec moi au le claire de lune
Lever dehors votre main ouvert
Commence l’ensemble jouer, font les lucioles danser
La lune scintillment
Alors, Embrassez-moi

Embrassez-Moi, (Embrassez-Moi )au cote de maison d’ arbre
Balancez moi (Balancez moi) au le balancoire
Aporte-vous (Aporte-vous ) votre chapeau toute fleurie
Prenez, nous deux, le sentier marque sur le
carte de famille.

Ah, Embrassez-moi,
sous le ciel en l’eclat d’etoiles
Danse avec moi au le claire de lune
Lever dehors votre main ouvert
Commence l’ensemble jouer, font les lucioles danser
La lune scintillment
Alors, Embrassez-moi

My husband has been behaving much more "husbandly" lately, and I was inspired by his manly actions to finish the translation.

2004-08-14T22:59:00.000-05:00

eHow.com: How to Find an Ex-Boyfriend

Do I want to find my ex-boyfriends? Sometimes, some of them come looking for me.

I am not looking for a boyfriend, though. I am looking for a husband, a really good man.

When I look at my husband, do I see a HUSBAND?

My husband does not treat me like I expect to be treated as a wife.
Instead of involving me in his decisions, discussing them, praying together and coming to an agreement together, he gives me a series of announcements, kind of like the 11 o'clock news, of things that have already happened, that I can do NOTHING about.

Since he is deeply in debt due to several decisions he made against my advice, I feel very uncomfortable with the secretive way he is behaving.

That, and all those email adresses.

He e-talked to his brother about the laptop computer he is buying, instead of with me.

What does his brother care? He is not liable!

His brother once recommended for Hub to shop at Harry Rosen, a high-end clothier, for a certain job interview.
Probably he meant, just for a tie.
Hub bought a complete outfit. It was beautiful. The socks were $32 a pair.

With taxes, Hub's outfit cost just under $1K. The clothing was tailored and so was unreturnable. He used a credit card, since he didn't have that kind of money saved.
When I found out, aghast, he told me that, if he got the job, I could go out and spend a lot of money, too.

He didn't get the job.

The interviewer did say he looked great, though.

It took a long time to pay off the credit card. We had a very skimpy Christmas for our little sons. We had to consolidate.

Where we live, husband and wife share liability for debts incurred in either's name, together.

I am on the hook for his debts, without even knowing for how much, unless he deigns tells me!

This is the man who said that buying a gorgeous red running Karmann Ghia coupe (my dream car)for $2K would be an extravagance, a waste of money. Okay, yes, I would have had to learn how to drive Standard...

But for this car, I would learn how to drive, all over again.

Plus, the car had a story! It was bought new in the 60's to be the honeymoon getaway car for a cute young couple. The bride wore a cute little Jackie Kennedy hat with a veil!

Plus, it was MY TURN.

This is the man who owns a $1K suit that hasn't fit or been in style for years, which hangs unseen and unsung in the closet.

This from the guy who goes to visit his sisters, goes to visit his brother, goes whitewater rafting, while I stay home and work to subsidize his spending. Yes, I did go to Quebec and B.C.with him, but I helped to pay.

I'm tired of being the responsible person who takes the prudent view, who thinks of others, who gets stuck with so much of the crap and so very little fun.

It's time for my turn, for a lot of things.

Including a husband who makes me a part of his decisions, who takes turns.

Instead of one who mostly takes.

2004-08-10T18:09:00.000-05:00

Pharmasave National - Library
Here is an article on BALANCE. It mentions the Zone, which I am striving for, in my own way.

2004-08-09T19:17:00.000-05:00

Hubster may be going up to Baffin Island for his work. We don't know when or how long he will be away (Not too long, we would miss him too much, or get along without him too well.), but he expects to be well-paid. I hope he will get to see some of the unique wildlife there, and take lots of pictures.

Our Homestay from Quebec was emailing about his sports adventures, including kayak in the rapids. I tried kayaking - it's a hard vessel to control! I have a stronger right arm, so I fight the tendency to go in circles. I never tried rapids yet!

There are only four days until the Summer Olympic Games open. No-one has replied to my invitation to discuss the Games.
Too busy...
I am hopeful that our Canadian competitors do well, in spite of being pitifully under-funded. Here is the New York Times collection of articles on the Olympics. Their view is quite "Ameri-centric". Have you seen any good sites on our Canadian teams?

http://www.nytimes.com/pages/sports/olympics/index.html?th

Here is the rather lacklustre CBC site. Please email the link if you know of a better site:

http://www.cbc.ca/olympics/

Last week on Wednesday, our Japanese guest, Ron and I visited three Folklorama Pavilions. (our guest is 42, mother of an 11 year old son, and a Professor at Tokyo University, presently studying North American aboriginal culture.)
You will want to be sure your next visit to Winnipeg coincides with this great festival!

http://www.folklorama.ca/

Our first stop was at the Canadien Francaise location at the Franco-Manitoban Cultural Centre, where we tasted bannock and tortier. We enjoyed clogging, terrific fiddling and the highlight was a female vocal quintet called Madrigal. Striking harmonics!
Then we saw the Tropical Paradise pavilion, where we tasted mango ices and enjoyed the dance and music of India as it evolved in the Caribbean.
Lastly, we visited the Australian/New Zealand pavilion, where we met Australian aborigines in their authentic costumes.
To end the evening, we showed our guest the Cathedral St. Boniface, beautifully floodlit, and walked to the Forks over the Esplanade Riel.

Friday, I took our guest, my mother, my brother and my oldest son out to the cottages at the lake. We went up via Gimli, visited my second son at Camp Arnes, then went west through Arborg to Lundar. Here is a map that shows our route.

http://www.travelmanitoba.com/maps/interlake.html

Saturday morning our guest and I visited the Dog Creek reservation. It is good Interlake land. They fish, grow hay, wild rice and grain crops and raise horses, sheep, dairy cows and cattle. It was a funeral day, so we did not interfere with their grief, but visited St. Laurent for lunch later in the day. There is a large, friendly Metis population, and we had just missed the Metis Days with jigging, fiddling, food and fun.

Sunday after church, our guest and I went to St.-Andrew-on-the-Red, the Rectory, Captain Kennedy's teahouse and Lower Fort Garry. Later that night, our guest, Hubster and I went to the Metis pavilion where Sierra Noble fiddled for us, and enjoyed square dancing, reels and the Red River jig performed by childrens' and s' groups. We tasted buffalo stew, wild rice and more bannock. Next we visited the German pavilion, and tasted tortes. Years ago, I used to be a Folklorama volunteer at the German pavilion, and took my ballroom dancing lessons at the German Club there. I used to win prizes dancing. However, Hubbo will NOT dance, not even a Polka!
Maybe one day...
with the right music...

ah, well...

maybe not.

2004-07-30T15:27:00.000-05:00

Victoriana Online
Were the Victorians repressed?

I think they were not.

I think they couched their natural instincts in a bower of flowery language and rustling silk that nevertheless resulted in large numbers of children!

Queen Victoria herself was the of domesticity, with her large, mostly healthy and beautiful family.
How else, but through fun in the flowery bower, did her prodigious progeny appear?

I love the clothing of this era.
I love to watch period romances featuring the whispering, puffy dresses, the elegant suits, the hand stitching.

I do sew, myself, and I have always longed for the luxury of a full costume of this time, from the petticoat to the tippet.

Oh, and the servant to help me into it.

2004-07-29T07:51:00.000-05:00

On This Day

Remember, Gentle Reader, that Hubbs and I were married the same year as Charles and Diana? The New York Times remembers!

Our homestay guest returns to Japan via Calgary, Banff and Jasper on Saturday. Tonight we will have a barbeque to say goodbye to him and three of his student friends.

I am regularly emailing our first homestay guest. Let us call him Lance. I send Hubbs a BCC of each missive I send, and forward to him each message I receive. Last message was about a two-tusk narwhale an Inuit hunter bagged. Before that, we discussed Lance Armstrong's win at the Tour de France.

Or, should I say, the Tour de Lance?

2004-07-26T23:17:00.000-05:00

Rosacea Awareness Program - Programme de sensibilisation � la rosac�
When I was a teen, I had a very hard time with my skin. I used stong anti-acne products and exfoliated a lot.
I did not understand that my skin was sensitive, and over-producing oil in an attempt to protect me. Now that I am older, I have a definite diagnosis: Rosacea.
I have to treat my skin with great care, as the capillaries are delicate and sometimes break. I use Cetaphil cleanser ONLY, now, and Aloette Visible Aid cream, and a Parsol sunscreen. I look like much younger than I am.
I want to keep it that way!

I had Sushi tonight! Raw salmon and grilled tuna with avocado and special rice wrapped and rolled in roasted seaweed. This fits with my Zone life! It was fun to help our guest in the kitchen... After, I helped him with his pronounciation of the schwa.

My brother has broken up with his fiancee. They seemed to go well together, but she is very intense.
Ah, well...

2004-07-25T18:32:00.000-05:00

The Human Clock - A Photo for Every Minute of the Day

Tempus Fugit
That's Latin for "Time Flies".
I just got back from the lake. It was great. So beautiful. Birdsong in big liquid trills refreshing the jaded ear of an aging urbanite. Lots of weeds gone, by the wheelbarrowfull, heh, heh...
My big fat highlight was getting stung by a bee!
I'm supposed to carry an epi-pen, but I never expected a bee. I don't bother them, and they don't bother me.
Until today.
Nobody expects bees or the Spanish Inquisition. It had crawled under my RED t-shirt, and I cupped my hand over it when I felt it crawling. Shoulda swatted it hard, but I don't like to kill anything I can't see. It stung me, I shook it out onto a blanket, and folded the blanket over it to crush the critter. I have the bee in a hanky. Funeral later tonight.
I'm ding-dang allergic to bees, wasps, horse- and deer-flies so I had to take a antihistamene PDQ, as well as a painkiller and relaxant. Mom gave me a cold compress because I was flushed and feverish. After a short snooze into the cool of the evening, I woke up fine.
Read some more about Princess Diana. She and Charles were married the same year Ron and I were. On our old street, some of the neighbours thought of us as their own Royal couple. True story, they told me this!
I was always out doing good works, and Ron was always out working. To the public eye, he didn't show a lot of affection. We never seemed to have time together. At times, our marriage was in trouble. I never knew until later just how much.
However, we have an advantage on the Royals. We are still alive and together. It will be 23 years in November.

Yoshi is making sushi for us tonight. There is also a farewell party for a couple from church. He is going back to Bible College in the US, and while there, she is going to babysit her adorable grandkids.

Our second son emails to tell us that maybe he will not go to College this fall. He is hoping to get on as full-time staff at the Bible Camp where he is working this summer. I hope he will at least submit the app. in case he is not selected to work there.

Saw "I, Robot" last night. The computer has the same name as yours truly. Went to Romance Street for a snack, listened to music.
I want to dance, he doesn't.
We look at each other as if from Venus, from Mars.
Which we are.
I MUST find a way to get dancing back into my life!!!

Read "Bridget Jone's Diary" yesterday. Somewhat resembles my blog!!!!
Funny, trashy, but exactly what the compromised mind of a modern woman approaching her "best before" date can be. Full of cautionary tales!
Women, take warning! This could be YOU!
I haven't seen the movie yet. If you've been reading my blog, you know I usually read the book first, and sometimes after, I see the movie.

Supper is ready.
Laters!

2004-07-23T11:50:00.000-05:00

lost socks

Single socks on the Internet!!??

Internet SOCKS??

SHOCKING!!

Finished with work today.
I was assessed today. I think I did well. I felt a little nervous, but the assessor was nervous, too. I just did as I always do; considerate, not too fast, talking to the client often, thorough with each action, Universal Precautions.

It is about two years since my last assessment. I received a very good report then. Has anything changed? If anything, I have more qualifications. I have my HCA Certificate. I also feel more confident, more adept. Hope I am not getting sloppy in my old age!

Maybe I'll go to the beach this weekend, Sat. noon to Sunday noon. I talked with Dad about becoming the owner or co-owner of one place, and thereby relieving him of some bills. A beach neighbour gave her child co-ownership of her place. They look after it together, and there will be no hassle when she dies.

Got Japanese movies and groceries in Hippytown yesterday. Our guest will help me to make a Japanese meal on Sunday, featuring Sushi.

Tonight is a funeral service for one of my clients. I want to attend. It is observed in another religion, which i know little about.

I am feeling the old yearning for an exciting, meaningful life again.

When I was involved and important in several volunteer groups away from home, it was certainly validating, but very inconvenient for my family.

The phone was always busy, the phone machine always full of messages, usually for me.

I kinda miss that.

I feel like a lonely sock... on the internet... matchless!

2004-07-20T12:57:00.000-05:00

Crystal Gayle Lyrics - Old Boyfriends Lyrics. One from the Heart Soundtrack Lyrics (Movie)

Oh NO! All alone on my second-last day of vacation, and I'm Googling for nostalgic purposes only, "old boyfriends".
A John Belushi movie and this country western song lyric come up at the top of the list!
SCARY!
It's too pathetic - LOOK!
My husband pulled up for lunch and I'm SAVED!!!

2004-07-20T10:03:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Sympatico / MSN

2004-07-20T08:38:00.000-05:00

RIBACK'S KISS-OFF - Eric's List of Kissing Songs

Kissing is still on my mind...
If songs about kissing are the food of love, welcome to the Smorgasbord!

2004-07-19T20:16:00.000-05:00

Sixpence None The Richer Lyrics - Kiss Me Lyrics. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days Soundtrack Lyrics (Movie)

This is a cute song!
Kissing is unde - .
I don't watch Dawson's Creek, but I did see "How to Lose a Guy..."
and "She's All That"
and...where else have I heard this sweet little song?

I wonder if my rhyming French translation of it will be a good thing when it's done?

Baise-moi, mais oui!

2004-07-18T23:34:00.000-05:00

JONI MITCHELL � ( Carey Lyrics )

I was driving home from the beach, and got caught in a time warp.
I started singing "The wind is in from Africa, Last night I couldn't sleep..."
I've been going the same route to the beach for over 30 years.
In my tweens and teens, this was a song I might hear on the AM radio while we chewed up the miles in a funky old station wagon, filled with kids, coolers and cottage stuff.

If you love Joni Mitchell, you will find more of her songs at this site. I like the old stuff for the memories, but I like new jazzy stuff MORE.

I got too much sun, not enough sleep and Midol week has arrived. At least I've been mostly nice, and not hyper harmful...except for the jealous episode with my spouse and the CYBER thing.

A warmer reception may have helped... But Noooo... He MUST spend four hours alone on the computer, "researching things"...

Where are we going?

2004-07-18T17:25:00.000-05:00

the Mail online
This link should lead to a "How's your Man Radar", featured in the Brit Daily Mail.
I had a high score for assessing a man. I err a bit towards caution, and these days, that's a good thing.
My husband has the Cyber filter off again, after turning it on just BEFORE I left for the cottage with my Mom, my brother, my son, his friend and our Homestay guest.
It was turned off yesterday, the day I was away.
Here is the message:
Report generated: Saturday, July 17, 2004, 12:47 pm

CYBERsitter appears to be functioning normally.

CYBERsitter is NOT active
Last Filter Update: July 16, 2004

There are log entries recorded for today
Here is my reply:
Again, CYBERsitter is NOT active.
Why? You just had put it back on, before I left for the cottage.
I will forward these messages to a third party from church to compile a record, if you continue to play around like this.
Have you been following the string for any length of time, Gentle Reader?
If so, you may be aware that my spouse has had internet use issues.

He was surprised I came home so soon.
I wonder what I am interrupting?

Beep...beep...beep...BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

2004-07-14T19:04:00.000-05:00

Sympatico / MSN - Partner content

This link should bring you, Gentle Reader, to the Random Date Idea Generator.
I wanna go OUT on a date, and Hubster's always too tired.
"Surprise your honey with fresh, exciting and romantic exploits."

I like the sound of THAT!

2004-07-14T08:45:00.000-05:00

Daily Times - Site Edition

Hubster has had to go to Pakistan to find an article to forward on to me about the new cholesterol guidelines.
I find that his family history as per his mother, shows a genetic disposition to self-manufacture cholesterol out of foods that ought to be healthy.
Would reducing stress help prevent this pattern?
The Doc DID advise on diet and excercise, for this and another problem.
You can lead a man to good advice, but you can't make him THINK.

2004-07-13T15:56:00.000-05:00

Amorak Web Site

I just returned from an overnighter at the parent's cottage, hoping to get it ready for the weekend.
I want to take the boys and our guest from Japan out there.
The parents haven't been there yet this year, so the weeds were 4' tall, as was the grass.
My brother and I mowed and mowed around the two adjoining cottages, then we weeded the beach until sand was once again visible.
Mom planted flowers and tomatoes. I hope they survive!

Everyone needs a special place out in nature.
I am a "beach " from my childhood. It's a part of me that I consider important, but not Hubster.
So I just won't bring him!

Yeah!

2004-07-10T19:01:00.000-05:00

Sitter Search Results

My husband's annual general checkup results came in. He has gained a lot of weight, and his cholesterol levels are way up. The BAD cholesterol. He has a pot belly. While it is kind of cute, I like remembering his belly hard-musceled, like his arms were, when we first met.
I find that he's defensive, in denial, and suspicious that the Doc and I are ganging up on him to take the pleasure from his life, and make him take expensive meds. He's been acting old for quite a while
I, on the other hand, am looking pretty good for my age. Careful eating, Pilates, and suppliments have helped me to lose some weight and gain some tone. The Doc is pleased with me. I represent good results from following his advice. I gave him full credit for it, too. My hair is a pretty colour, I think. L'Oreal. I feel attractive. And I have a thirst for affection and love like never before.
Younger men? I speculate. I remember how silly it seemed to me last time I tussled with that thought.
No.
Only to make my hubster think he is a younger man again.
That would be heaven.

2004-07-03T15:50:00.000-05:00

English Pronunciation Practice for ESL EFL TOEFL TESOL TESL learners - stress-timed and Intonation patterns in English

I am finished with my work for the day, and I'm looking for helpful sites for our ESL people. In a few hours, Hubster and I will be picking up our latest Homestay student from the airport.

I'm taking a quick shower because I smell like tobacco. I visited a chain-smoking client and fixed him a week's worth of batchelor-chow. One look in the fridge and freezer and I could see that his diet had little variety, so I blew his socks off by suggesting that we workers could ROTATE RECEIPES!!! As a smoker with a chronic health condition, he needs good nutrition.
Well, he likes Shepherd's Pie, so that's what I'll make him a batch of, next time.

My oldest son has made Banana Bread, and is playing Settlers of Catan with my youngest son and his two friends. My Husbie is happy to learn that his med is now made in a generic form, saving us $10 per perscription. The house smells very welcoming. I hope our student will be happy here.

I'm making a sign with our student's name so that we can find each other at the airport. I'm wearing a black outfit with a pretty floral silk blouse for flutter.

I'm feeling so nostalgic lately! I'm thinking about my old steady boyfriend (five years and chaste, though chased), my first kiss, my graduation, the assorted flash-flame boyfriends, my old jobs... Being with another Wolseley on Canada Day only made it stronger.
Oooooh! I got so , so silly, so REAL with her. What usually takes years became instant intimacy, heart to heart.

I'm feeling so romantic lately, too! I'm trying to compose poetry in French, German and Spanish, as well as trying to translate favorite love song lyrics. I have begun a translation of Kiss Mein French, and it rhymes! I'm so hungry to hear the languages of love, to be caressed with words and to speak words of love and courage myself. Something is changing, some sweet influence is making ripples in our staid little pond.

"Wake" me, dreamboat!

2004-07-02T17:47:00.000-05:00

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

This is a link to one of the techniques described by Dr. David Servan-Schreiber, to cure stress and emotional damage without or psychotherapy.
Our Homestay student from Quebec put me onto Dr. David when he saw that I was suffering from stress, sadness and old injuries. Apparently the Dr. presented at Lavall University, where our Homestay studies.
A new Homestay is coming tomorrow.

2004-06-28T21:52:00.000-05:00

Crowded House: Fall At Your Feet
Here is a song that I have "Fallen" in love with, in the Jesse Cook cover on his Free Fall CD.
Why do I love this song?
It's not really romantic - it deals with blame, pain and tears!
But it is so real.
Love is really like this, especially difficult love, love that perhaps you can't have, that you can share only parts of; love to wait for, fall for, offer yourself for, without any promises but the possibility of pain.

I passed through a world of temptation recently, fruit so wonderful to look at, so exciting, so tenderly ripe, so sensually scented.

It was a difficult test to pass. One day I stumbled, although I stumbled alone. My only window of escape was very small, and not always open to me. One night I wept for wanting, but after that night, the spell was broken.

At the right time, I did the right thing for who I am.

A loving heart that's true.

2004-06-25T15:28:00.000-05:00

Translated version of http://www.guerir.fr/

This is an author our Quebecoise Homestay student recommends.
I know just enough french to get the gist of the theories presented.

It has been a great Homestay - far superior to our other two experiences!

Today is payday, I have an additional shift and our third son is having a big fat Birthday sleepover party.
Sleep??? It's a misnamed event, unless you take the tack that sleep is OVER, and that the next day you may be tempted to OVER sleep.

2004-05-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

Couleur Experte
I love L'Oreal. It's what I mainly use for my "beauty" treatments.

Hubster and I had a weekend getaway in a Bed and Breakfast and played Tourist-in-our-own-town.
We are celebrating our respective birthdays and the fact that Hub is working full time as a sub-contractor for a leading company in our city. It's not what he trained for at University, but it is good, solid, well-paying work.

Our downtown BIZ (Business Improvement Zone) hosted an Open Doors event, where we got to see the inside of many of the more interesting buildings in our city. The B&B where we stayed was near our Little Italy, one of the ten most romantic sites in our country. We saw odd movies (Bubba Ho Tep!), truly weird art exhibits and ate in cute eateries. It was nice to get away and relax.

Having left our home in the hands of our three teens and trusting them enough to relax makes us the marvel of many. Our sons are so great!

It takes so little to put us off the track and back into fighting so I am listening to Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue tapes. The library lost the workbook that comes with it, so I am trying to pick it up from the webpage. His recommendations take a lot of committment to impliment, a lot of honesty, objectivity and risk-taking. The tape seems to be directed at women. There is some humour, and a lot of encouragment.

There's no one quite like Dr. Phil!

We are having a student from Quebec join our household for a month in June. Like my cousin last year, he is looking to improve his English. He seems a nice young man.

This is birthday season in our household. I have just turned 45, Bro One turns 44, Hub turns 46, Son 2 turns 18 and Son 3 turns 14 -all in very short order. Cake everywhere you turn, and I am trying hard to stick to my commitment NOT to eat anything after 6:00 pm.

I am still quivvering the scales between 180 and 190, although I look and feel less flabby than before. It's coming off of places where I never thought I'd have fat, and d having it there, like my face, throat, ribs and forearms. Besides the after 6pm fasting, avoiding high glycemic index foods and Pilates, I am taking Cod Liver oil 20 minims, Evening Primrose oil 1000 mg and vitamin E from soy 1000 UI. I am taking slow release vitamin C 1000 mg, a high potency multivitamin and glucosamine sulfate 500 mg for my painful joints.

Since I began taking this regularly, which coincided with the return of better weather, I have new hope that my hands and knees won't be utter ruined.

I have booked another long weekend at the end of May.

2004-05-03T22:02:00.000-05:00

BalanceTV.ca
Here is a link to Balance TV. I watch this show every Thursday with a 90+ year-old client.
The Hurried Woman Syndrome is featured.
Hmmm...
I am a hurried woman.
I am back to working two jobs.
I got paid a huge cheque for working a week that included a raise and killer overtime on Easter Sunday and Monday, and in half a day of paying bills and getting groceries, it is ALL gone.
I am not kidding.
Nothing left.
My husband has been offered a job on Friday, but wanted to wait for a promised call from another company today.
As of now, still no call.
Will he take the Friday offer, or keep looking?
Take the offer take the offer take the offer TAKE THE OFFER!!!
PLEEEEEEASE, PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE Please please please please PLEASE!
And keep looking, dear, of course, dear, if you like.
I am turning 45 tomorrow and my employer has just offered me a pension plan!
Matching contributions!
Whoo- Hoo, make me feel like a real Geezer-ette. Only 20 more years to go to retirement, unless something else turns up.
My oldest son has moved back home, temporarily.
My sewing machine is out of the closet, the hussie, and is working again.
I am reading Threads magazine again.
I want to watch "The Saddest Music in the World" on my birthday.
It would be strangely apt.
It's a quirky movie about a sad-music contest sponsored by a beer heiress made by a local movie-making-man.
What was the working title?
"Crying in my Beer"?
I almost saw a glimpse of Robin Williams at the Forks on Sunday. He's in town making a movie. No offense to anyone, but my husbie who actually SAW and identified him said he looked much older than one might expect.
Must have been make-up.
If I had seen him, I might have offered to tell him my Dad's best Winnipeg joke.

How Winnipeg got it's Name

Even back in the old pioneer days, people around here have been raising funds for the arts and what-not.
When the first Europeans started coming through on their Red River carts and York boats, they were greeted by enterprising aboriginals who were raffling a great big pig they had gotten somehow, raising some money for their pow-wow.
"Win a Pig!", they called with a prairie-to-portage yell. "Win a pig!"
Well, the name just stuck, and it's been Win-a-peg, ever since.

I have had to hear this joke at least twenty times to date. I hope I get to hear it at least that many times more.
Mom and Dad just had their birthdays, and they are feeling their years.

Come to think of it, so am I.

2004-04-27T18:12:00.000-05:00

L'Or�al Paris
Free lipstick, anyone?
No time to say too much - still slaving, still hoping, got a weekend off coming up.
My Mom turned 77!

2004-03-17T15:50:00.000-06:00

TechTV | Spying on Spouses

Today is my day off. My back was sore after bathing a really large client - lots of far reaching. I got a letter from WCB telling me what to do if my injuries start acting up again, but I'm trying to stick to heat, rest and excercise.

Hubs has been working on my computer again, a laptop Compaq from the mid-90's, recently repaired. He has linked it to "Betsy" upstairs. This is so that I can access the printer and save my mail. However, I never requested these services. I think he wants to check me out because of the old love letters. Do you think he'll start spying on me? I didn't have to go to extraordinary lenghths to find out about HIM. Intelligence and persistance are my only tools.

Hubs has found a newly opened bakery, and brought home some goodies, cranberry lemon scones, along with a bunch of tulips. Nice red and gold in colour, I have them in a vase in the Living Room. Thank You, Husband.

Watching movies:
Save the Last Dance, about a white teen transfered from suburbia by a reversal of fortune into a black ghetto. A wannabe ballerina, she learns of Hip Hop from a black wannabe Dr.
It's a predictable formula movie, with some touches of grit. Evely Hart gets a reference. I enjoyed it mostly for the footwork. I wish I could do that! The music lyrics made me ashamed for youth culture.

The Shipping News Okay, I broke down and rented it again. Nothing like the book-on-tape. Really well done, though. I wanted the book, but couldn't find it in the library among the paperback disposa-books, nor was a hard cover copy checked in.

Richard III This is the newer movie, set in the British 30's. The dark side of Gandalf. Machiavelli would be impressed, but he stressed that a "prince" should reign longer if loved. However, he added that if one couln't be loved, one should be sure to be feared. Exactly!

I am thinking about doing a study of letters: Letters from Home, Love Letters, Letters from Away. I am thinking about writing a book of my letters, like the Griffin and Sabine books.

Stamps are up to 49 cents each where I live, PLUS tax. I've got a whole armful of letters from when it was 17 cents to mail a letter. Do you think letter-writing will die if it becomes too expensive? There is talk of charging for email too, as a way to kill spam.
The internet and the information highway used to be free. Should it remain so? I always felt it should. Information should not be a have-have not area.
Just as with free public education, we need to keep free access to public information.
For everybody.
Sure, this makes us vulnerable in some ways, but the alternative is 1984, is Brave New World, is Fahrenheit 451.

Think. -IBM