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My heart is aching.
Every morning for the past several days I feel like someone has been sitting on my body all night long, like in the painting, "The Nightmare"
I am forced to hold so many poisonous secrets.
I am so tired from over-work, so depressed by our unchanging circumstances, that I don't think I can go on.
Mostly I am haunted by the truth about someone I love.
It's possible to forgive, but impossible to forget their secrets.
The images in my mind keep returning, destroying my sleep.
I keep falling asleep and waking to my own voice saying
"No more!"
"I've had enough!"
And it's true.
I don't want this anymore.
I have had enough.
How can I get relief?
Counselling, prayer, a decision to just live through it have had momentary success, but faded in their effectiveness.
The nightmares keep coming back.
I keep losing sleep.
I am filled with such loathing! For both myself and the fallen loved one.