Sympatico / MSN Lifestyle : Family : Articles : Put on your dancing shoes! Take lessons online

This may be the way I finally get some dancing into my life - this or go to the lessons alone.

Alone IS an option... Some nice gent may have the same daring idea, and there we are.

The counselors have been called.

Hub brought home a bakery treat for me today, trying to woo me.
He was holding the box out to me, then inexplicably asked me if I "deserved" it.

Wooing a betrayed wife, eh?

Wrong thing to ask.

As if all our present unhappiness was my fault, and not the natural fruit of his choice to indulge in wickness.

I tried to forgive him for over two years of horror and revulsion,
of feeling dirty and defiled for being with him, even needing him.
of self-punishment for my own weakness and insecurity to stay with a soul so stained,
and worst, letting my sons remain in their soiled father's presence.

WHILE supporting him through his studies and unemployment,
depression, medication dependancy and increased use of alcohol.

If he were charged for his crimes, there would be an outcry. The papers would have a heyday.
He would be in jail forever, solitary confinement, for his own protection.

The Old Testement was written with awareness of the dark heart of humankind.
It names and judges Hub's crime.

A sentence.

As I think about it, it's probably the most merciful thing to do.

For the criminal, the victim, the shamed family.

As it is, my crime is unforgiveness.

I could forgive a cheating businessman, but choose not to do business with him again.
I could forgive a bad haircut, and not return to that salon.
What I maintain is that I can forgive a bad husband, and not have to remain with him.

My freedom.

Because of the fact I've sincerely tried,
so long, so hard,
in the face of his incomprehensable arrogance, only one example of which do you see above,
and the relief from hypocracy I would know at last,

I DO deserve this!