FUGLY

My hub sent me the redneck rollercoaster, renamed the Saskatchewan rollercoaster, to commemorate our visit to Moose Jaw, SK, to visit the Temple Gardens Mineral Springs there.

Give me a break!

We had mostly a nice time. For me, aside from visiting the Tunnels, eating well in restaurants and the spa, the highlights were catching a glimpse of It's a New Day, a Christian talk show where I used to be a counselor.
Gary Chapman was discussing his new book The Five Languages of Love, and later during our stay, we found it and bought it.

Hub has a wounding way with words that sometimes catches me by surprise. On Saturday, our last evening, we were eating at a really good restaurant, and in addition to wine and dessert, we were treated to complimentary Irish Creams on ice. Whilst sipping in serendipity, instead of saying something appropriate AND true, like "You look great", "You lost weight", or "I'm having such a good time", Hubs screws up his face as if I was becoming the Human Fly, and asks me whether I'd seen the dentist recently.

I KNEW my breath was sweet.
I knew my teeth were clean and white - I just bleached them.

Why do I need to interrupt my anniversary dinner to see the dentist for an emergency appointment at 9PM in Moose Jaw, SK?

Because my two front teeth are bowing inwardly - a little.

This upset me more than a little, because
a.) I had noticed this years ago.
b.) I got two quotes on fixing it.
c.) It got voted down as it was too expensive, $1,000 a tooth, would require scraping off my natural enamel, building it up with dental ceramic, and need to be redone every five years or so, and wasn't covered on any dental plan we ever had because it was a cosmetic procedure.

Hub had forgotten all this.
He saw nothing of the warm, emotionally responsive, beautiful woman who looks younger than her age across the table from him.
He only noticed a shadow on my smile.

What about his balding head?
What about his noisy hemorrhoids?
What about his big stomach?

He's starting to look like Homer Simpson.

He fantasizing about other women finding him attractive all the time.
The world teems with them!
Of course!
They are Homer Simpson fans!

On Friday, he ignored me almost all day, hardly looked at me, didn't walk beside me or take my hand, like he was telling the world, "I'm NOT really with her". Until close to supper time, when he poured on the warmth suddenly. Was it the thought of food that made him emotionally expansive, or a late insurance policy for fun in bed later?

On Sunday, on the way home, I told him I was exercising while driving. He told me to be sure my sphincter got a good workout.

On Monday, we met with our accountability couple, and, for the first time ever, Hub suggested that I blocked his education by insisting on starting a family.

When we were first married, it is true, we agreed to take turns going to school.
Hub didn't yet know what he wanted to do, so he said I should go first.
He took my first student loan cheque, and spent more than half of it on jeans and leather jackets for himself!
In the middle of the second year he lost his job, so I had to leave school and go to work.
Happily, I found a job in the area I had trained for, but at only 5 cents an hour more than I'd been making before my education.
I was on the Pill, and my periods were getting strange and the Pill was making me nauseous.
When I threw it up, I didn't have confidence I was protected. (I was right.)
Therefore, I wanted to go off the Pill for a while.
According to the guidelines at the time, it was recommended to break from the Pill after so many years on it.
I suggested other contraceptives, but Hub didn't like any of them.
Starting a family was no sudden business.
Nine full months after I stopped the Pill, I conceived.
Then, when our first son was just sitting up, we were at camp and forgot to pack "everything".
I told Hub it was a risk. He said he didn't care. Later, he said he just thought it wouldn't happen.
Our second son was on his way, and his older brother was only seven months!
I admit I was resentful for some time.
I went to see a counselor at last who helped me to accept my situation.
I was at home with two rambunctious little babies, when Hub remembered that it was his turn to go to school, and he went - FOUR NIGHTS A WEEK!
Oh, God in heaven, those were long and lonely days for me, especially in the winter!
I was being left behind with the bambinos while he went to church alone, shopping alone, out for coffee with friends, without me...
And then he needed quiet to do his homework. As we weren't quiet enough, he went to the library, stayed late at school, repeated classes he couldn't seem to pass...
Then came the day when I had everything under control for once. A tidy house, a good supper, freshly bathed children all ready for bed. Sitting on a rocking chair, nursing the youngest, in a perfect moment to tell me he loves me, appreciates all I do, that I'm a great wife and mother - he tells me "He struggles with the thought that he married the wrong person".

Blew me away.

I struggled, hard, with suicidal thoughts after that.
I thought life is too short to spend it with an ingrate like him.
I thought there must be better men, better fathers out there.
But I knew from my own Dad's endless longing that the boys would want no other father but their own.
And I knew that God had promised me life with Hub would be hard, but that I was strong enough.

That is when I began to throw myself into the community.
If I got no appreciation or thanks at home, I would find it elsewhere.
And I DID.
I became a direct sales queen and a community leader.

Hub didn't like this, and we started going to Married For Life classes.
I decided to take up the challenge of working WITH Hub instead.
I gave up my outside activities that were so successful and gratifying.
While we were in agreement and worked together, it was great.
Our kids were happy and did well at school.
It was the best time of our marriage so far.

Nothing, however, lasts forever.

More later, Gentle Reader.