CANOE -- CNEWS - Weird News

Dear, Cherished Reader...

You may think you have seen the unusual...
You may think you have seen the bizzare...

But there's little in fiction that can match the pure hilarity, strangeness and weirdness of the actual, factual truth!

I have tried to make my post several times, today, only to be shot down in flames.

Therefore, I will truncate my remarks to merely report it's been a month worthy of the annals of Weird News.

"I just got home from the (hospital emergency ward) at 4:00 - my van was totalled atg 7 this morn on black ice.
Ambulance, police car & firetruck all nearly wiped out too!
I'm on Tylenol3 and an antininflammatory - hurt my neck, back R hip wrist knee & L calf & foot.
No-one else was hurrt, thank GOD.
I have already called (my Instructor) for reschedule.
I can't see the point of emailling - he doenst get any
In case he didn't get the phone message will you please tell him?
Good luck to you & the whole class...
(Me)
April 5, 2005"

"Thank you, (friend), for your note.
My Mom is over here, helping me.
Still woozy from the meds!
Still sore - rainbow of bruises - what a show!
More later - thanks for your kind thoughts..
(Me)
April 6, 2005"

(Friend), thank you for your kind offer (of help).
I'm still a little shaken up - but I'm getting off the Tylenol 3's ASAP. I hate being woozy!
(My Instructor) called me about my options. Rescheduling the Final exam is easy... it's the Lab exam that's difficult. I may just write it with (my Instructor's) next class in 2 months.
It's great to have my Mom here.
We are watching funny chick-flicks and enjoying fresh fruit, fresh flowers & Belgian chocolates!
Endorphins galore!
I am icing my neck & hip until Friday.
I am getting Physio every second day.
I think I need a little more time before I can give the exam the concentration it requires.
You're on vacation?
I would love a visit!
(Me)
April 6, 2005

(Friend), thanks for the T3 advice. Not everyone knows about this certain side-effect... until they USE T3's!
I slept really well last night! (My Instructor) recommended Valerian, a herbal remedy, and it really helped!
I am off painkillers altogether, and the pain is OK.
I have been drinking a lot (of juice, that is!) and eating plenty of fruit, veggies and proteins.
Mom & I have watched Nicholas Nickelby, Cold Mountain, Raising Hellen, and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
We have started to translate a book my grandfather wrote into English together.
She translated it into the tape recorder, and I transcribe it into the computer.
Depending on how the day goes, I just might take you up on your kind offer to give me a ride!
Please call me at home.
(Me)
April 7, 2005

Hi, ( friend)... I am registered for the HAP II, starting TOMORROW... and I will negotiate time off to take the review and Lab exam with the new HAP I class.

I saw my physiotherapist today... still sore. My home treatment plan consists of alternating heat and ice; heat first, ice last, 20 minutes per treatment, once or twice a day. Pilates are still OK (hooray! I was afraid she might veto it), if modified to my range of motion.
She suggests I am not ready to return to my Homecare duties.
(Bending over objects and people, lifting people, bathing people, dressing people, etc...)

I see my family Dr. tomorrow - she and he are colleagues, so he will probably concur...
I am interested in your opinion. What do you think I can do to accelerate my recovery?
You mentioned that I may benefit from massage... can you recommend someone? Please reply!

(My insurance company) will probably write my van off, but if they decide to repair it, I will probably sell it. I am already seeking another vehicle.

My father-in-law has been very changed by his health crisis - he cannot remember that he had (exploratory) surgery! But he is stable, thank GOD! My mother-in-law is staying with us. She has a very high standard of housekeeping. I have the "teenagers and dogs live here" standard. I am sore and busy, but I will try to make her as comfortable as possible...
(Me)
April 11, 2005

Good morning, (friend)!
It is so beautiful today - Suddenly Spring!

I am hoping you may recommend someone suitable for massage therapy.
Gentle, gentle, gentle, please!
I have had a few bad experiences...
(Passive aggression? Bad hands day? I'll never know, coz I'll never go back!)

My back muscles are starting to interlock between my scapulae to my posterior iliac crest. The neck (up to occipital muscles) and shoulders are stiffening, also. It's like a big, long letter"U", covered with a small, narrow inverted "u", and all that tension on the points of attachment on the scull, scapulae, illia and spinous proccesses.

My Physio has had to start using traction and dis-traction to pull my torso open - also my frontal and nasal sinuses!
It was a very strange sensation!

I had hoped that you would know of someone...

Please reply soon, before I begin to resemble a living suit of armour! Complete with clanking!
(Me)
April 15, 2005

Yes, this has been the story of my month!

More tidbits later...

World Beard and Moustache Championships

This is the MSN site of the day today, and of course, Gentle Reader, it is all about men's beards, so I just had to look.
Why?
My Dad won a prize in his workplace beard-growing contest, and has often indulged himself in the art of creative beard-and-moustacherie.

Yes, I admit it - I have a soft spot for men's beards and moustaches!

Is there a 12-step programmme for me, or is it okay that I walk the earth completely succeptable to a manly set of well-combed whiskers?
My husband and second son wear natural whiskers.
Even a strong Five-O'Clock shadow on a pale face has appeal for me.
It just says to me, "Hello, I am simply so tight with testosterone that whiskers literally leap outta my face, no matter what brand of shaving cream or razor I use!"

A hopeless case of whisker-wistfullness.
Sigh.
I will just have to bear that burden.

I had my last lecture last night. I distributed and then collected the course assessments for my instructor.
Some of the students were very critical of him, of his organization and language skills.
It is no , I suppose, that they sat at the back, chatting and carping among themselves.
I sat in the front row, rapt, and gained an ever-increasing and undiminished regard for him.
He is a very kind man - too kind, perhaps, and they didn't respect or appreciate him as they ought.
My own discussion of his spelling standards caused him some pain, I think.
"Et tu?"
I hope his next class treats him better.

My Mother also had to learn a new language in a new country.
I used to ask her why she was so hard on herself when she made a mistake in grammar or spelling - after all, it wasn't her first language.
"Exactly why I must get it right," I remember her saying.
She still has her cute accent, age 78. She still counts and computes in her first language.

I love her so much.

We here are praying for the Pope.
I am not Catholic, per se, but I appreciate what this Pope has done to uphold the right in this world.

God bless him and grant him final words to express the cry of his heart for the people and the church he has loved and served.

Amen.